a daylight dream

April is going now, a quarter of the year going too. A part of me wants to hold on to the beauty of April, for there are some cherished sights that are indispensable and irreplaceable. The silk floss trees in their emerald tresses, a perfect home for the blackbirds’ afternoon songs. Mulberries, with all their simplicity, showering the roads with berries so freely. There were occasions of amiable clouds that bestowed upon the world such gentleness and ease. Those are moments not to come again, for sure. They leave my heart with aches and solemn appreciation. I think April was significant. I have cumulated so many lessons, so many changes, so many uncomfortable moments when I had to just face the truth and deal with it. The emergence of those moments was followed by so much liberation. You see, it’s relatively the very first time I live through difficult moments in non-judgment. The arrival of Ramadan would bring so much pain, comparing the state of my family with all the other examples

Insecurity is a vast word, but it is exactly what defines the landscape of my fears. In truth, the essence of everything I am afraid of, everything which makes me jump compulsively or daydream vacantly is always insecurity . I caught it by the roots this evening. I caught this tightness in my chest and swiftly drifted to my mind, and what it was that I was thinking was the notion of feeling so insecure within my own self. Inadequacy, insufficiency and imperfection were voices so feeble yet intentional, and they twist a cobweb of fear into everything I do without clearing it up.   It's beautiful how imperfection doesn't exist and is only an illusion. The truth is that everything is perfect. Even the most catastrophic events are perfect consequences of choices we make, and in that sense, nothing really goes wrong in life. Loss, illness and powerlessness are surely devastating, but they are perfect manifestations of the learnings we need to go through in our lifetime. I feel so wo

It's been a restful couple of days since the beginning of Ramadan. Not without adventures of course, since I burned my face swimming in the afternoon sun and lost track of time, walking in the hot air for more than three hours. Also, I fell a little ill with a cold, and summer colds take me by surprise. Every time I think I'm going to wake up fine, I find a flood in my nose. Those days don't sound exactly restful, but they were, oh they were. I allowed myself time to be those few days. I had things on my to-do list and private tutoring sessions but they weren't rushed. I had at least two hours for myself where I would sit down on the sofa and just read, or unwind, close my eyes for a while and wait for a poem to entice me (it never came). I must say having such an experience is profound for me, since it was hard to just sit still and be with myself. It reminds me of the quarantine, when I had so much empty time and it drove me insane. It was hard to lay down on the sofa

I've been quite inconsistent lately when it comes to blogging. I am not less passionate about it, quite contrarily, I have been giving this space so much thought, trying to figure out open doors of growth. I want to express how much this space means a lot to me, and words fail when I try to describe how much documenting my life over the past five years has shaped me considerably, giving me the chance to dream and be those dreams, with every step in this never-ending journey. I believe this blog has a future, a thrilling one, actually. I pray and believe that in not so long, I'll be documenting concrete happenings of my day that contribute to a world where one can live holistically, in reverence, in love and most importantly, making a difference. You know that I have so many dreams, right? Dreams of living in a conscious manner; not consuming much of Earth's resources without giving back, living in harmony with nature and taking inspired action to leave an impact in creative

Oh March, you are a gift placed so gracefully on my palms. No matter how much I reflect, words would fail to capture the truest essence of what you were here to teach me— perhaps that is why it took me so long to write this down. I didn’t quite know the whereabouts of a beautiful starting point, but I’ll just do it anyway. My intention was to give. Give with abundance, grace and unconditional love. Give with everything that I have within me, humble my spirit so much in order to connect with the deepest needs of the ones around me. Everyday was a manifestation of that, and it took me to places I never thought were possible. Interactions with my learners were astoundingly fruitful for we worked together to heal deep conflicts in the classroom, connecting to our highest selves with constant reminders and effective communication. I connected to parents and collaborated with them to help their children get past difficulties at school, that had little to with academics. Leveraging the level

A little ritual has done a lot in terms of transforming the essence of my working hours. For two months now, the very first thing I do now when working on my laptop is open that little tab named " vision board ", where all my of my dreams are stored, remembered and held on to every moment of the day. You know, I forget sometimes to be the person I pray to be. Having this tab open keeps grounding me to the habits I'm supposed to be sprouting into every moment of my day, to live the change, instead of just dream of it. I'm here this time to express how much my dreams have changed. But before going into that, I'd like to mention something radical that I've done, which shifted everything to perspective, especially the work I do, for children and for humankind. I've been getting a lot of "thank you" and "I love you" messages from my learners. When I started getting them, I was so startled and overwhelmed that I'd snap a screenshot of eve

I am tearing up, recalling the simple magnificence that February has bestowed upon my humble life. As I gaze up to the kind morning skies, I feel my heart stretching wide, receiving the reinvention of my soul that has taken place throughout those days I’ve been gifted. What can I say but that February was an act of receivership, in terms of accepting and welcoming all that there is; the subtle pains of uncertainty, the fears of not being capable enough, the humility that comes with being wrong. When those waves came crashing to the shore of my mind, I welcomed them. I stretched my heart enough to accept the paradox of being human; being both the shadow and light simultaneously, and to let it flow to the shores of epiphanies and realisations. Most of all, I accepted being loved. Being in a place where I accept and welcome being loved for who I am and whatever it is that I do, was quite foreign until recently. In the arms of blessings and miracles, I welcomed them all into my heart so th

I've always wanted to write something about womanhood, but I was always daunted by the shame of the imperfections of the process of leaving girlhood behind and becoming a woman. Now that I'm almost halfway through my twenty-second year, everything feels different, though quite the same simultaneously. At times, it feels as if I did not grow up and have remained the girl I've always been, but in other times, I do feel like I truly have turned into a woman all of a sudden. I must start off by saying that since I have lived most of my life with my father, the idea of being a woman was rather distant to me. I was raised with a lot of masculine energy, but was still given the feminine roles in the outer world. At home, I was expected to be tough, extremely hard-working, goal-oriented and strong yet, I was still told I was weak being a girl. I was told that I should be protected from the outside world, that I was fragile and soft, in respect to the nature of things. It was really

Stumbling over the history of this blog, I was stupefied by how this blog turned from an excessively introspective diary towards a vessel mostly focused on 'how-to' posts. To be honest, I felt so much shame in sharing here what I had been going through, I didn't want to show the ups and downs that my life constituted. I felt as if sharing my downs so openly would really harm the perspective of growth, which I know now that isn't a linear process at all.   I'm here to reflect upon recent happenings, the most treasured ones, that keep me grounded, uplifted, like a spring calyx pointed towards the blue, the kind of existence I always wish to maintain. It brings me so much sorrow to recollect that in order to be enchanted by it all, in order for this budding to process itself, winters had to be recreated from scratch, in ways that often take us all by surprise. I have one week off work, since it's the midterm break, and again I am oblivious to how swiftly time has p

Struck by the condition of those recent days, a tendency to reminisce and recollect everything that led me to where I am nagged me to run through my older blog posts, ones in 2016 and early 2017. I teared up reading to those honest posts which I had called ramblings, since those were earnest thoughts written in loneliness, introspecting, trying to find my place in the world. What struck me the most was the notion that everything I used to talk about somehow came to life, especially the positive dreams and make-beliefs; ones encompassing my vision for the work that I wanted to do, even though I was quite deranged, I knew I wanted to do something in education. Some of my ramblings, just fleetingly analysing what I prospected for my future, literally came true, and I had even forgotten that I used to think that way. Dreams of a companionship so beautiful, dreams of regaining my health, healing my anxiety and leading a fairly environmentally-friendly life (still a long way to go)- they all