a daylight dream

I wish I loved you before I learned to love through tears alone. before love was only felt after a deep, stirring agony. before love was the other side of loneliness. before it was the opposite of all darkness. I wish I loved you when love was a calming river of joy. an ordinary, palpable bounciness in my chest I feel when you call. when it was a fresh, transparent coat of paint glimmering on top of the entire world. and now I have to unlearn all what I thought was true. now I need to unwind all the suffering I put my heart through. all the winding alleyways in darkness, pitfalls in sadness, and days of not seeing it through. but now there’s you. you come here and take my hand towards a place where love doesn’t have to be so hard. a place where it can be breathed, not devoured. a cloud. a springtime rain. the full moon while it wanes. my eyes soften as I feel the grace of knowing I’m yours. a lifetime so intense in the unlearning of growing pains, and being the warm starlight I was all...

you’ve arrived, my love. arrived at my brokenness. at the sealed doorways of my past. the understanding. the compassion. the warmth of healing light that comes without fighting, without trying to be seen. you’ve arrived at every part of me. the sweetness of your nurturing smile is calming. I could stand by it for hours and dive into its soothing winds. there are waters in your soul, unchartered, made just for my longing eyes. yes, I’ve always longed for a love that awakens. a love that ceases the wildfires of the past. but not so long ago, it fell into my lap that it is my hand that can tame it. my hand that can reach out to it with forgiveness and a choice to love more fiercely, yet somehow, even more softly than ever before. you’ve arrived at that one thing I might never be able to handle on my own— something of God’s light, something of His river of gifts. something you surrender to with ease—  something just like this. I won’t ever show my brokenness again, my dear. this is min...