a daylight dream

I'm letting go the yesterdays and tomorrows roaming in my mind right now and just focusing on today, although today is a concussion of the consequences of yesterdays alongside the fears and the hopes of tomorrow. It's okay, we are all biased. It's the partiality that makes us more human, anyway. I'm currently a bit surrounded by torpidity and the lethargic winter airs that hover my body in the evenings, locking my body with an icy sheath that rattles with every movement, making me sit in bed and daydream. I dislike winter for this, dear world, it never fails to just grasp my energy and ferment it in bluish methods, that makes me smell mould, sense the toxins, see only the ordinary, and hear the ticking seconds of time, and the sounds of my head that nag me saying 'you gotta be more productive.' But that's okay, I guess. It's how my body responds to winter, and I was built to be a sunflower, I guess, moving towards the light rays that are ever so fai...

A few years ago, you'd hardly recognise me standing in the middle of a group of friends, making them laugh hysterically, lively telling stories and listening actively to everybody. I considered myself social; I craved outings with my friends despite the fact I had minimal chances of going out with them and I would even cry at night when I would see my friends enjoying Thursday nights while I was at my desk, surrounded by books. How did I turn into such an antisocial person who is extremely anxious when around people? I mean, I wouldn't be fretful around my intimate friends but still, I'm not that person I was before. I mean, even around the friends that I've been with for almost ten years, I feel so distant, so unworthy of their friendship. I always  envision myself as the lame, boring girl in the gang who has absolutely nothing to say just because she is afraid to say something you won't find amusing. I regard myself as disliked, or more precisely, least like...