Before Its Beginning.
Now, those are the moments that I truly cherish these little things that are often unrecognisable, blurred in a background of static. An echo of laughter from the other room, the kettle boiling, gentle creaks of the floors and the swooshing cupboard doors. It’s these days that life before me becomes vibrant to observe, even overwhelming. I see it all but it doesn’t find a way to get inside of me, and I’m not an active participant— I just stay still and watch it all, a window in my heart sealed tightly. I smile before my sister’s wildness, her sloppy ways of being. I watch my father joke insanely, filling the house with her screams erupting with genuine laughter. I observe how the sunlight touches the furniture so wondrously, and glimmers catch my eye with meanings and beautiful revelations. Sometimes it feels as though my heart has toughened from all the things I have to keep outside of it. There is much to shield and I’m always on guard, deciphering what to let in and what to keep out...