a daylight dream

  I’m sorry for speaking of the secret when I do not know its magnitude, for speaking of the gift without seeing You first,    that my gaze was not in its right place. It’s oftentimes so hard to see You midst all of this: the paradox and its oneness, the dissolution and becoming, till I don’t know which is which. so broken in this love. infinitely heartbroken waiting for my beloved. to my innermost silence I return till no one finds me but You. till all the echoes of this world die down and I can hear the peaceful silence of your undying stream.  I’m sorry, even if I don’t know why. should you fare far from me, meet me in your heart, my love, even when you feel that death is near. a while of remembrance is the sweetest lifetime. a glimpse of truth shines your sky and breaks you if you’ve sailed too far from those little ripples leading you home.. oh, home..  an airplane has taken off once more and a heart is in midair, unsettled in transition. the landing was fl...

  remembering how it was like last Ramadan, i fall helpless being reminded of what i was being taught. it felt like everything being weighing down on me all at once: a restless home touched by sadness, an insecurity in not knowing how to manage, a loss of will and knowing and possibilities fading into a shifting life. i was used to having a structure for my world. an outline of dreams flowering out of intentions. i intended to have a blissful Ramadan at home, to find ease in sadness, to manage feeling weighed down by not wanting to follow habit, to push away the clouds of loneliness being the only one awake, not knowing what to do fix things.. Ramadan is always a difficult time at home. waves of sadness come in clouds, and i always wanted to be the one resisting their winds. now that it’s almost here, this heart beckons with a reassuring whisper—  surrender . what would it be like not to even wish for having things better? what would it be like to trust that even this hardship...

  every breath, and I show you infinite streams. each drop a multitude of ways I l love you. settle on one and you wilt in your mindedness. don’t mind me.. drink in the flowering light. timelessly by your side, in your remembrance. remember me and I flood you with how my love penetrates all the isness abound. ever-shifting, i’m always here. I don’t settle for you. I take you in and you’re swallowed home. follow me in a neverending gaze.

i wake at night from a dream of you. a gentle letter in your eyes and in your heart made to be received. the burning longing to hear you opens my eyes and just like that—  you’re gone. all effort made to hear you again ceases in light of the inscrutable gift, given in benevolence, beyond all schemes. i cocoon myself in unknowingness, and the lament of blaming the dreams in my heart. oftentimes it feels like letting those dreams go, too. the fallen leaf in midair. in streams of surrender. the golden ground of a heart in the right place. there’s nothing to know in this humbling sun..