a daylight dream

I would have called myself disgruntled but I refuse to do so since I do not want to link my situation with dissatisfaction or anger. God forbid, I'm utterly grateful for everything in my life. I'd better call my situation a moment of weakness and yes, that sounds better. It reflects a moment in which it's quite difficult to keep on struggling and fighting and rather relapsing into episodes of bottomless sorrow and hopelessness. It's temporary, I know. Perhaps this is my time to actually recharge and take a break from absorbing all the negativity I've been exposed to for the past ten months. I'm not a metallic plate after all and even though I aim to be so, I won't be able to dodge the bullets forever. I have the right to renew and strengthen my plate and that takes some time. I understand that.  I'm currently reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, even though I had started it several times before, it's just some sort of a motivat...

I'm not really inspired to write any blog posts at this time of the year, especially that it's hard to discern how I feel about myself, and about things in general. My mood is fluctuating acutely everyday; from happy mornings to daunting evenings and vice verse. Even though I'm used to experiencing utter joy in summer, without the cold or the hazy skies, I feel as if I could never be happy, ever again. Honestly, it's such a hopeless feeling and I know that it is temporary, and nothing but an illusion portrayed by anxiety and the environment around me. My emotions are currently shaped up as a whirlpool, spinning downwards. Some days I'm closer to the surface, hoping to breathe and fill my lungs with air again while others, I'm in the apex; sinking and isolating myself from any cues. You know what's hurting me? You know what's painful? It's my mind telling me that this will be my life; the life I'm planning so arduously to adorn with beauty an...