a daylight dream

Sometimes I wake up too early, and it would hurt to wake you up with me. I’m quite tempted though, to let my smile force me towards the open windows, to see how the world would greet me that day. A gushing stream of rapture also tempts me to wake you up gently, through some melodies of loving dreams and lyrics of passionate goals. My mind visualises how beautiful it would be to caress your cheek as you lay next to me, allowing your beautiful eyes to open gracefully, letting the light in. But, I let you sleep. I know you spend the night listening to the noise of your thoughts; they are somehow like nightly waves constantly embracing the boulders near the shore, splashing and retreating, always coming back once more. I know you need those little moments to rest, to watch the dark canvass in your mind entwine with snippets of dreams left far behind in your subconscious— snippets that you don’t consider that much. So I lay next to you with a smile, watching that wandering beam...

As June drifts in unmistakable tranquility, I cannot help but observe how different the world is at this time of the year. To be honest, it’s the first time for me to feel the summer deeply, eyeing the miscellaneous minor changes stuck in the atmosphere, as the day gets longer. I used to believe summer was all about relentless pleasure and bustling activity, but I no longer do. Summer is the ideal picture of calmness: the oddly glistening blue skies, occasional clouds lumbering in the prolonged afternoons, trees all ripe and richly green, as well as those late flowers cluttering the streets, dried up from the brassy sun’s heat. I like to watch it all while I walk, trying to find resemblance and meanings.  There is ample time in summer, perhaps that’s why it’s an opportunity to slow down a little and take advantage of the early sun rays and late dusks. A chance to feel helplessly present as time passes by, letting go of future-worries. It’s a time to feel blessed by...

The other day, I was talking to my dad about issues regarding my identity— the positives and negatives. He was kind enough to talk to me openly and honestly, which I truly appreciate. Unexpectedly, he mentioned that one of the negatives aspects of my identity was constantly pressuring myself. Hearing this almost zoned me out because I didn’t believe I left that impression, I didn’t believe it was noticeable. Perhaps, I didn’t even believe it myself. Honestly, I might be too hard on myself sometimes even though it doesn’t really bother me. I like being disciplined and responsible, constantly striving for something better, preoccupied with tasks that have auspicious rewards for others and myself. Too often, I’m caught up in that cycle; plunging outside of my comfort zone, giving up leisure time just to be productive and missing out on some pleasurable simple moments. In introspection, I found that many times I deny the opportunity to see my friends and hang out with them...