a daylight dream

استغفر   الله   العظيم   من   كل   تدبير   و   من   كل   ظن   استودعته   بلا   تسليم ..  و   من   كل   معرفة   عرفتها   إياك ..  و   من   كل   حب   بلا   اشتياق ..  "The gifts are not where to land. This is a spaceless journey. It is bewildering to live like this— infinitely traversing. As much as we may have desired our dreams, and now that they’re here, one may dwell in that desired space. But that’s not why we’re here.. Love sees beyond the gift. It touches essence itself until it sees nothing again." - may 2022 it felt like this five years ago. dizzying. swept in place, I went on with life. the ache of being emptied from all reasons tied to love, the ache of knowing but not knowing, the ache of dying in nothingness before the divine, sacred truth, the ache of longing laced in surrender.. the ache of knowing love again and again and again.. but out of this ache...

  “what do you dream of?” “a home, with you.” — a september, sun-lit conversation. I come today with swelling gratitude, a heart that has surrendered the sacredness of an inscrutable journey. who would have known? what softens this pace is the truth that we never really knew. we never really chased the tides of this dream. it came flooding to the shore, one tiny ripple at a time. the water a mirror of a timeless path gifted for a soul that longs for humbling nothingness. I come today with so much that has shifted in place. I can barely recognise the remnants of my life, how a peaceful healing coats it now. I can barely recognise this softened heart, aglow in silence. I can barely recognise the smile that stretches to my father’s eyes, to this home’s once cold corners and all the broken imperfections longing to be held across the empty gardens and hills running down this place. I come today with a sacred vision I once doubted, now surrendered in faith. my gaze locked at the horizons...

  a moment of silence between us is one that begets the slowness needed for all doing to settle into clarity. the silence one needs to see the heart and long to  intend . my soul is basking in the grace of having time. each step we take towards this beginning unravels with so many questions—  how do we build this right? in stillness, I recall our intentions. I recall how we intend togetherness to be a gateway through which selfless humanness can shine through— a new reality not only our hearts are starved for. the intentions of our pillars— beyond the emptied transactions our time is stuffed with. I’m lost in possibilities of how to fill this time with clear intentions: how do we intend to allow God’s light to shine through this broken humanness? I look around and see how unfit I am for a life without meaning and purpose. how sickening it feels to work without a glimmer of love, to spend without connection, to consume without reciprocity..  and what is the purpose of...

  أَفَرَأَيْتَ   مَنِ   اتَّخَذَ   إِلَهَهُ   هَوَاهُ   وَأَضَلَّهُ   اللَّهُ   عَلَى   عِلْمٍ   وَخَتَمَ   عَلَى   سَمْعِهِ   وَقَلْبِهِ   وَجَعَلَ   عَلَى   بَصَرِهِ   غِشَاوَةً   فَمَنْ   يَهْدِيهِ   مِنْ   بَعْدِ   اللَّهِ   أَفَلَا   تَذَكَّرُونَ this heart longs for silence— the stillness in between the waves. it surrenders to the knowing that afterwards comes the silence of one’s soul, the one that manifests before the enormity of love. the silence of melting into your beloved— a glimpse of home, the darkness around a speck of truth. I’m so broken, my Beloved. I’ve forgotten your words in me. how come I’ve seen myself all this time.. how come my compass was not pointed towards the truth. basking in forgiveness, your mercy divides in me— streams.  لا   إله   إلا   الله .. it is an invocation like never before. the forgiveness of a worship clou...