life's presence in my heart.
will God forgive me if I’ve changed enough that my heart has changed? a heart that knew nothing but worship, His remembrance and reverence now knows more. there’s more than God’s presence here. a while ago, I would be remembering God’s gifts in my life, daydreaming my bus rides away. but here I am, on a bike ride through parks, thinking about this week’s bike ride with the girls, planning it in my head, wondering what the weather would be and articulately crafting instructions and manoeuvres. is this okay? when I got here, I used to feel a crippling guilt everytime I allowed life to consume me: the little doings, the details of everyday life. it felt like suffocating compared to God’s graceful, expansive remembrance. there was a stark difference, and I was scared. God, I was so scared I was being unfaithful. it felt like a betrayal. yet, the more I truly live and experience the beauty of this lifetime, I wonder if it is okay. I wonder if God meant for us to see this, too. to let it in ...