a daylight dream

  the sky tonight is an aquarium of all the fishes dancing in the waters. an aquarium of all what we waltzed through in the freedom of faith.  the first time I truly understood what it meant was when a sweetness erupted from the breaths I skipped being beside you. just like a dancer would forget to breathe through the swirling tempo of synchronicity. when all of a sudden, there was a weight lifted in all the ease in the currents of being. all there was.. was nothing at all. you and I, and all those dreams, in the aquarium. you’re painted blue against the pocketful of stars shimmering on that night. every now and then, a cloud of distance strolls by— we return to forgiveness. but I never knew how to dance, love. I would never let that guard down long enough to be the song. too afraid of it, too afraid of being in love like this. and so I dance myself to the aquarium each time a cloud strolls by. it’s dearer watching it from beneath.

  dewdrops stain my pillow instead of the patch of grass we sat on that spring morning. a translation of every moment’s invocation in your presence, my love, has filled my day. how longing sliced each beam of light into infinite fractals, subtle enough to strike this soulful unearthliness into a harmonious chord. but the morning after is filled with all the fractals you’ve left for me, humming the heartsong of two hearts enlivened with a gift from God, unravelling in a dream-like pace, shifting things in their place.  and so every particle in me is weighed under the enormity of it, and there’s pain. I will not tolerate the sun-up haunted by the memory of it, its secrets an outpouring, just like a gaze. and so this sunrise, this gaze has left me broken, dear heart. my brokenness the kind that breathes the polarities and loves past the breaking point.    I see myself and I’m not sure I recognise those wide eyes, their vessels expanding in the orbit around what it sees ...

  is it possible to commit myself to instill fairy-like magic in momentary living? I write this as I gaze at the dried roses hanging from my bulletin board, daintily caressing the tips of my calendar, touched by a glimpse of dear visions and dreams. I’m taking my time to watch the sky colours soften as February’s sun soothingly oozes its friendly beams. it’s a ritual, perhaps unnoticed, a splash of wonder that colours me for timeless moments throughout the day. time slows down and my attachments to the agendas my mind designs melt into softened grace, carrying me through the brokenness of living with the entirety of a supple heart. observantly, I gaze into masked beauty and envision an inscrutable kind of life— form enlaced in soulful presence, the most pristinely piercing kind of intimacy. With gratitude, I  smile .

A pocketful of sunbeams illuminate the late winter sky, as slowly as these eyes take to immerse themselves into the in-betweenness of dream-like waking.   It has taken me a thousand days to stop that frightful breath upon opening my eyes. Long before, I’d wake up from a dream of you and feel the pang of tears fill my face, the doubt of  it’s just a dream  filling my heart. You’d feel my hand fumbling towards yours every dawn just to make sure—  are you here, as real as a dream?  It took so long to quieten those fears. I meant it when I said I could finally rest into this life we’ve grown along. Rest into its spaces, imperfections, brokenness and invisible strings. Rest past the doubt of the foreordained, rest into the sweetness of receiving it. Your expansive, sky-like arms around me, an inscrutable gaze is kept locked into the brokenness of the morning moon rising in my soul. And now we can sleeplessly sleep into it— a little while of this lifetime more. - are ...

it is stark now that so much a falling apart in our world. when I’m not as conscious as I’d like, the streams of bad news often gets at me, fills me with a powerless hopelessness that there is no way to go from here. yet, the more stillness I practise, I become steadily aware that what is currently happening, especially in my own society, is a major cleansing episode. all these pressures we are encountering in scopes of finance, security and development are but the collapse of old structures and ways of life. it is rather revolutionary to view it that way, and to come to remember this truth that I’ve always known, empowers me to advocate this awareness instead of resisting and fighting it, full force. take a moment with me here and visualise how it would be like to stand as a young adult midst all these constraints: the finances that never seem to swell appropriately, soaring prices, dysfunctional bureaucracies, inept educational qualifications and the lack of mature systems to embrace...