a daylight dream

I've always wanted to write something about womanhood, but I was always daunted by the shame of the imperfections of the process of leaving girlhood behind and becoming a woman. Now that I'm almost halfway through my twenty-second year, everything feels different, though quite the same simultaneously. At times, it feels as if I did not grow up and have remained the girl I've always been, but in other times, I do feel like I truly have turned into a woman all of a sudden. I must start off by saying that since I have lived most of my life with my father, the idea of being a woman was rather distant to me. I was raised with a lot of masculine energy, but was still given the feminine roles in the outer world. At home, I was expected to be tough, extremely hard-working, goal-oriented and strong yet, I was still told I was weak being a girl. I was told that I should be protected from the outside world, that I was fragile and soft, in respect to the nature of things. It was really...

Stumbling over the history of this blog, I was stupefied by how this blog turned from an excessively introspective diary towards a vessel mostly focused on 'how-to' posts. To be honest, I felt so much shame in sharing here what I had been going through, I didn't want to show the ups and downs that my life constituted. I felt as if sharing my downs so openly would really harm the perspective of growth, which I know now that isn't a linear process at all.   I'm here to reflect upon recent happenings, the most treasured ones, that keep me grounded, uplifted, like a spring calyx pointed towards the blue, the kind of existence I always wish to maintain. It brings me so much sorrow to recollect that in order to be enchanted by it all, in order for this budding to process itself, winters had to be recreated from scratch, in ways that often take us all by surprise. I have one week off work, since it's the midterm break, and again I am oblivious to how swiftly time has p...