a daylight dream

Now that summer is almost here and the sun is soaking me with unfathomable energy, I cannot contain this wild energy to keep imagining and dreaming further; further than what is real out there, the boundaries of grounds and skies. I want to take the airplane and flee, land somewhere mysterious and discover the Earth, make connections, like I always do. I’m not saying that my life here is unfulfilling. It’s not. It’s a beautiful dream that I am living right now, one of my ideals taking shape. But still, as long as I am looking out for more to do, I cannot find stillness in everyday life. I cannot find satisfaction while my vivid ideals cannot presently touch what’s before me and transcend me into this—  I don’t know. Or maybe, I just want to fly away in that airplane because I miss certain things. I miss the smell of my mother’s perfume and the sound of the hairdryer every morning, having those light, hopeful conversations with her as she sips her morning coffee. I...

I wake up next to you, like I always do, and this chilly, brisk April morning is forcing me to bring the blanket closer to my skin, to feel warm and safe somehow. And this morning, I do really want to smile and show you the beauty rising before us this very instant, yet suddenly, my power fades and falters, like vapours rising from a forceful, gushing ocean. The glimmer wakening in my heart fails to ignite, so I wrap myself around the covers more gently, spending a few minutes lost in thought. Dearest, I love you. It’s a faith I want to scream out loud in graceful melodies. But some days, I’m a little bit unsure, a little bit unsafe to speak how I truly feel; for it’s often guilt and shame that encompasses every idea that runs through my head, when the notion is darkened with loathe and contempt. Deep down I know I am grateful, and there is this shower of mindfulness soaking me inwardly. But days like today, I can’t quite recognise it. I can’t project this beautiful, flow...