a daylight dream

It’s never been so sweet to be with myself as it is now, perhaps it starts with a little bit of numbness and pain, a little bit of restlessness and confusion— but the answers always come. The answer to true rapture and love always come in time. I’ve numbed myself with so many dependencies and false beliefs. I’ve numbed and emptied my heart with the perception that there is so much to be done, that I’m not proficient enough, that I shouldn’t even try to give myself space to do something new that a sacred voice within me longs to immerse itself into. It’s profusely and perplexingly arduous to learn sometimes, especially when it comes to what I devotedly care about, like teaching and being with children and painting and singing. The experience is turned into a challenge so harrowing to start and keep it up when my critical voice keeps finding excuses to not even try. The hardest time for me is perhaps when I come back from work. There is this sinking sensation the moment I step inside, it...

Ideas that come from love have a life of their own, they are not bound to the life and the timing and the plan of their vessel, they simply grow to their own accord, in the timing they find right. Two years ago, I was working on a project based on the enneagram personality theory. I worked for two months building material and researching, wondering when would be the right time to enact it, but it simply died down midst the other responsibilities and circumstances. I let it go and felt grateful for the time spent working tediously on it since it made me understand human beings on such a deeper level. The knowledge in itself sufficed, and it allowed me to become a better healer and teacher, too. Last week, my world turned around. Perhaps today, specifically, I was sitting in a circle of three passionate teachers, analysing personalities, watching them burst in epiphanies, eyes water and I saw ourselves talking in terms of transformation and awareness— conversations I only dreamed to have...