a daylight dream

here it is, another wave of depression throwing itself at me. it appears out of nowhere, or perhaps, from behind the smallest trigger that lurks in the background of everyday life, paralysing me completely. my mind does a painstakingly accurate job at scanning every moment, looking for the cheapest evidence to prove I’m not good enough. and when that happens, I crumble down and my self-esteem shatters like bits of ice under my shoes. all the progress I made those past few weeks dissipates into thin air, and I find myself starting rock bottom, trying to find a new angle to tackle this healing journey with. for three days now, I’ve been in bed and I haven’t left the house. the overwhelm was staggering, and the mere thought of having to wake up and do something was adequate to bring me to tears. it felt terrible, and perhaps the worst thing about those moments is that you don’t know how to explain it. you don’t know what’s wrong. yesterday, in order to sleep soundly without any of those n...

November was real, authentic and quite different from all the other months. I believe it is one in which the veils of sadness and weakness finally faded, by just a little. but it made me find hope again, and for that, this month is a merciful gift for my healing. I have so much to reflect upon, and as promised, I won’t let one month go without depicting its sincerest, most secretive ways of giving thanks. so many weekends away.. what made November special was that both my husband and I spent so much of its weekends away, travelling. first it was visiting my husband’s sister, then visiting my mom. the weekends away were quite tiresome, but a tiredness I needed to stretch myself a little. I honestly felt like I wanted to go back home most of the time, to feel more safe betwixt the boundaries of my routines, but it was an experience I needed to shake things up and help me recognise my limits. I used to be one who loved exploring a lot, and would thrive on adventures. however, I am in no s...