a daylight dream

  it is clearer now, the truest death of self is at the brink of aliveness, and the truest aliveness is at the zenith of death. here is to the dissolution of my fears, their annihilation, and the mountain I thought was toilsome to climb has tumbled in God’s name. I am melting into the truth that I had to kill all my will for. how much pain this body endured— the pain of nothingness, brokenness and emptiness. the pain of not wanting to have much to live for, the heart emptied of love and filled with an otherworldly kind of existence that cannot co-exist with a moment’s worth of this lifetime. I understand now, dear God. I understand now that when gratitude and aliveness fills every particle of my body— when my heart inflates to serve this world, to be with it, to co-exist in harmony, in value, in love, that’s my death of self. that’s the death of our peach tree in the midst of its ripening. Between the universes You created for us, I roam, landing on the mountain on which I find the...

my dearest, I do remember how it was like five years ago, that sweet January when I stumbled upon the first emerald shootings of mulberry leaves. how divine it was to talk to you, recording endless words of sheer love and genuine awe at how beauty unravels in surprises. there we were, listening, with smiles extending all the way to our hearts.  was I falling in love with you? this was on its own the truest miracle of spring. breathing on with a gentle sunrise in my eyes, this connection growing to something of its own, a jewelled beauty akin to a morning moon floating in the clear skies. with january’s days coming to an end, I remember how far we’ve come. I remember it all to begin our path righteously. all I have is my prayers today. all I have is faith that in some gift-like unravelling, the ripples of our waters shall roll into each other. teary-eyed, I end this with a liberating intention to walk this path with you, my love. I’ll never be enough. I’ll never truly know what to d...