a daylight dream

                                                                    Pictures from Poland. The year is ageing with the foggy mornings, indefinite clouds and winds blowing from the south. It’s rather queer to have December like that; unclear, sunshine-lacking and warm. I’m rather grateful for the warmth because I don’t know how I would tolerate the cold for another consecutive year, as you all know how I struggle with the evening lethargy and inability to move, with blankets covering me up, leaving everything especially my fingers to freeze. However, I don’t like the fog. I don’t like how it casts a veil, as if the planet was just a huge cloud, and we’re supposed to make our way through. Yet, it is a symbol I am listening to and perhaps a message, to clarify a lesson I should be learning before the year ends: no...

As much as I am a person who honours calmness and peace, I cannot live comfortably without momentum; one based on excitement, progress and expectations. I’m not a machine, a programmed soul, faded by repetition and lacklustre daily structures, and I cannot thrive when there aren’t goals to achieve, challenges to overcome and habits to outgrow. I need to get better at something— anything. I remember two years ago, I spent a whole year doing particularly nothing special but living in torment, guilt and shame. My baby steps towards the goals I wanted to achieve were profoundly trivial and the progress was insignificant to be measured. Adding to this, I was lost; I didn’t know who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do in my life and that just daunted me, because I wasn’t going anywhere, there’s wasn’t any direction. I need a direction, a road to follow, even if it is blurred and undetermined. Yet, the thrill of the possibility to figure it all out eventually is able to sus...