a daylight dream

I don't really know what to say here, but I decided to open this note and write whatever comes to my mind. I think today is going to be significant because it's a new tale to tell. It's the closure of years of preparation, visualization and hope and the beginning to years and years experimenting, tailoring, succeeding and failing. A beginning to years of asserting who I am and the purpose programmed within my very cells.   capturing the light in the early morning before my lectures :) I thought I wanted to strive for excellence and greatness, but I reevaluated how much that really matters. I spent a few years trying, but it got me nowhere really, just exasperated the pain and shame that comes with not feeling enough and dreading the failure that comes with every trial, just to prove that I can do it and succeed. I want to own my new beginning. I don't want to pretend I am someone else, someone in the future who has perhaps come a long way. I am no one but me, starting o

Greetings, everyone. Since August is bidding us goodbye so soon and summertime memories are to be written in books and sealed with light and grace, I am here to share some tracks which could make the last days of your summer a little bit more unearthly than usual.  My taste in music is quite thematic and infused with lyrical imagery. I enjoy all songs which are quiet yet cascade genuineness with every lyric and every beat. I am quite prone to listen to indie music for it's touching and poetic, adding sensitivity to my perception of the world. You can find the playlist here , and here are some lines of my favourite lyrics. (: - the tallest man on earth: then i won’t sing no more   “I love you, dear, be safe, you know” - the tallest man on earth: i love you, it’s a fever dream  “but I’ll keep the hope I carry, everywhere so I can love, wherever I go now”  “but we will travel past the beating rain and be graceful after all” - the paper kites: arms  “what can I give that is all for you

what seems to be a hardship turns out to be the greatest blessing with time. trust more. gratitude, even for the things you don't yet have, manifests miracles and abundance. stay true to your heart and feel deeply, cry if you have to, but turn to God to help you. it's very important to apologise when you make mistakes. it's right to fight for your self-worth. it's right to express how you would rather hear more about how to improve rather than be humiliated. it's right to fight for your inherent strengths.   everything starts with believing in, having faith in, staying true to and loving yourself. restlessness doesn't change anything. all you have is the present moment. I know you're trying to make many connections and stay social, but growing your circle too much, especially virtually, exhausts you. it's okay to value quality over quantity when it comes to your social life. love is an action; it's a way of being. love can be maintained despite the p

And if I could have one secret language, it would be honesty. In a world where there are so many things to believe, it's often unclear what the truth really means. In this case, it pacifies me to resort to unspoken honesty. Because some of the most inherent truths cannot be spoken for. A resemblance to be found in how the sunflowers, brightest stars, the most patient planets, energetic electrons and frequent wavelengths never have to pretend to be anything else but what they are. Most truths are unspoken, yet genuinely portrayed. Without them, Life in the core of this universe fades and everything fails to exist. And if I could speak the language of stars, planets, electrons and light, then I'd be  silent . If I could speak the language of truthful silence, I'd be in love. For when in love, one can  be : genuinely, truthfully. One can encompass inherent calls for purpose and dreams. One can unconditionally exist, with nothing in return, a Life force filling the vessel it ch

I love that this love is a secret. Unbeknownst to ridicule, conversations and dialogue. Something that was meant for just you and me, something a little bit more than stolen glances and broken smiles. Something just a little bit more than that. Because it's a little secret in my mind, making me acknowledge that the world is easier to fight with you devotedly by my side. Inside, with the little cloud of understanding you allow to linger, it's easier to know that I'm alright, that some things were meant to take their time, and that strength is the only thing that can keep me from adding insult to injury in this troubled path of mine. And I know it's meant to stay a secret for a while still. Even in a long time, an eternal part of our story will be a secret. On pictures, we are just glamorous, laughing, adventurous people but never have I ever before known that just a gaze from eye to eye can emit messages a million light-years would never dare to try with. And our gaze is

Today, I turn 22. I can't believe a year had passed since turning 21 for, in retrospect, I could count the milestones of my 21st year on my fingertips. I must say it was one of those tumultuous, spiraling years. My 21st wasn't calm and kind, but pressuring and alerting. Every day was some kind of wake up call of some sort, shedding some light upon what I keep ignoring. But I won't talk too much about my 21st year now that I have a whole year to dream of. Oh, it's going to be so intricately different in every way possible! I might be graduating soon, working as an English teacher for fifth graders, and experiencing this very new and bright beginning. I have been thinking of this day since high school, and I must say none of those sleepless nights were taken for granted. All of the puzzle pieces are starting to fit now, all of those unattached passions and ideas have come to know their place and I'm quite ready to start fathoming the bigger picture. It's

I have written about emptiness perennially, over and over again until I memorized how it felt like to have a heart that is chipping off, rusting, losing its glowing vitality, leaving the inside unprotected and vulnerable. I took my time feeling this pain. The accomplice was surprisingly anger, frustration, and hatred. I did feel hate towards so many things in my life; the neighbors which made no effort to beautify the block we live in, the dreary governmental decisions and bureaucracy, the monotony in our home, and the outbursts of aggression I have to deal with almost every day. I spent some days completely silent, talking only when necessary, slowing down every moment, aggravating the pain, and strengthening its accompanying, infuriating narratives. But then, I chose to be grateful, not only for the things I have but the things I don't have at the moment. I chose to believe in a future in which I have everything I currently lack; family, close friends, adventures, pr

All along, it was always about the little things. Eyes waking up to a welcoming, loving beam of sunlight. The feeling of being at home, right where you belong. The taste of crystal water. The steam ascending from a warm tea in a mug caressed gently by your fingers. It's the sound of footsteps in your home. The simple conversations in sleepy tones. It's the ideas to make the day a glimpse of heaven. Saying good morning to smiling passers-by. Walking with a dance in your step, eyes looking upwards to a clouded sky glimmering with beaming sunshine, or perhaps rain descending from monstrous, grey clouds. It's always about the present moment, and never about the past or future. It's not about the next big thing; the restlessness, the hours spent constructing ways to escape, to get better, stronger, happier . It's knowing that there is a bigger picture you're on your way towards, but there is no reason to rush it. Today is good as it is.   Perh

I woke up this morning to a wave of sweltering heat in the room, despite having the AC on at night. My dad dashed out of the room, sighing, releasing his tension with a couple of loud exhales. I took a deep breath and walked to the balcony, finding the horizon blurred by strong sun rays that have moved a misty veil and bickered it to ascend and disrupt the blueness of the sky. It's summer. I don't mind the heat, I must admit I actually revel in it. Spending the day with light clothes on, drinking lots of water, snacking on crisp fruits throughout the day never fails to soothe my heart. Yet, I woke up feeling quite down. It's okay, isn't it? We all have those days.   Because I'm reading this really remarkable book which is teaching me to connect to my inner child and most genuine parts of who I am, I decided to have a conversation with my little self. I asked her why she felt bad and I was astounded by what she told me. She told me she misses the

I was walking home after our run with my dad, the sunshine was warm and just right for a late-May morning. We engaged in a fruitful conversation about love and found ourselves asking:  is love enough? At once, I saw this visual in my head. A vision of a crystal ornament shattered into a thousand pieces on the ground and a mystical, invisible force rearranging all the pieces mid-air and bringing the ornament to its original, whole shape. We all know that once things are broken, there isn't any way to stick the pieces back together and at the same time have a shape that is free of cracks, gaps, and imperfections. There isn't a way back to wholeness once things get broken. There isn't a super-glue which can bring perfection back again to life, not once things are completely destroyed. But is that true for our hearts? I mean, they get broken all the time. We feel shattered, lost, fragmented many times a life, but in some magical way, some of us find themselves on t