Upon Graduating and New Beginnings.

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I don't really know what to say here, but I decided to open this note and write whatever comes to my mind.

I think today is going to be significant because it's a new tale to tell. It's the closure of years of preparation, visualization and hope and the beginning to years and years experimenting, tailoring, succeeding and failing. A beginning to years of asserting who I am and the purpose programmed within my very cells. 


capturing the light in the early morning before my lectures :)


I thought I wanted to strive for excellence and greatness, but I reevaluated how much that really matters. I spent a few years trying, but it got me nowhere really, just exasperated the pain and shame that comes with not feeling enough and dreading the failure that comes with every trial, just to prove that I can do it and succeed.


I want to own my new beginning. I don't want to pretend I am someone else, someone in the future who has perhaps come a long way. I am no one but me, starting out, with all my battles, imperfections and things I haven't yet mastered. I am no one but the potential that is transforming into truth with every step forward, with every risk and fear translated into courage.


the way to my exams :)


Those four years of university were important. Studies were not important, experiences were. Being out there, interacting with new people, learning, making connections between ideas, experimenting with novel concepts and trying was. Those four years of lectures were not cardinal, but the little points scribbled on the margins, where new imaginings were conceived and attributed as possible. What was more important to me was walking in the gardens betwixt the trees and plants, feeling the love and gratitude in my heart radiate, ready to make a difference to my little world.


Despite my mind wanting to prove and succeed, my heart wants to silence it. My heart tells my mind to stop wanting anything and just stay present in the moment. My heart tells my mind that it does what it has to do each day and there's no use in anticipating and making plans for everything. There's no use in judging what exists freely. There is no point in burdening what was already foreordained.


My new beginning is all about self-love and respect. I forget how to do that so many times when I'm trying to prove to anyone that I'm doing great. I forget to feel the love in my heart. I forget to feel the love I have for people around me. I forget to truly give without expecting anything, and there is no better experience that to create novel ways to give and find the world conspiring to aid you in your journey to enrich its essence. 


always finding flowers wherever I go  :)


My new beginning has a lot of time. I had enough of spending two years fearing that there is not enough of time. I have enough time to learn, put into action what I can master, write my heart out in terms of poetry and play my guitar (I'm getting new strings next week which makes me so happy). I have time to be happy. I have time to gaze at the stars. I have time to roam the gardens near my streets and write poetry and the books I have always wanted to write out. I have time to live.


goodbye 


My new beginning is being mindful and abundant with money, saving up to buy a car and protect my life from any downturns. It's not sacrificing my values just for more money and success. It's going step by step, working to maximize the value I can offer; the true help and support. Blessings and miracles will follow.


My new beginning is standing up for myself whenever someone hurts me. It's talking to my inner child and listening whenever it is joyful and wounded. It's just being there and not letting myself go.


My little self is so bewildered right now because she used to watch people go to work and despise them for the stern looks in their faces and inexpressive clothing. She is asking me: Are you going to be one of them now? Are you going to leave me forever?


My new beginning is to laugh and tell her no. 


I'm so grateful for my new beginning. :)


- 23.08.2020: graduating -

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