Summer Is Here, And So Is My Inner Child.

I woke up this morning to a wave of sweltering heat in the room, despite having the AC on at night. My dad dashed out of the room, sighing, releasing his tension with a couple of loud exhales. I took a deep breath and walked to the balcony, finding the horizon blurred by strong sun rays that have moved a misty veil and bickered it to ascend and disrupt the blueness of the sky.

It's summer. I don't mind the heat, I must admit I actually revel in it. Spending the day with light clothes on, drinking lots of water, snacking on crisp fruits throughout the day never fails to soothe my heart. Yet, I woke up feeling quite down. It's okay, isn't it? We all have those days. 

Because I'm reading this really remarkable book which is teaching me to connect to my inner child and most genuine parts of who I am, I decided to have a conversation with my little self. I asked her why she felt bad and I was astounded by what she told me.

She told me she misses the trees, sky, and clouds. She cried out, ever so slowly, that she missed sitting on the grass, talking to the sea, singing with the clouds, and stroking her fingers in a crisp river. She missed smelling the minty fragrance of pines and collecting pine cones, picking berries, apples and plums from the trees and bushes. She missed being outside, freely, roaming unexplored meadows and letting her feet lead the way, in every way unexpurgated. 

After that conversation, I considered how much I missed nature. I missed the green halo surrounding me in every direction. I miss the smell of the rain, the leaves on the sidewalk. I miss feeling at home, outside of the confines and safety of four walls.

I really miss Poland. I really miss the fresh air. I miss being a child, despite the responsibilities I have over there. I took a while to reevaluate my life here in Egypt, which is so strict and so... grown up? Everything I do here is mostly about work, getting better, studying, learning and there is very little to do with exploration, curiosity, experiences, and fun.

I miss having fun. That's why this summer is kind of wrenching, twisting my heart a little. I am doing my best by reading, exploring literature, and exploring my world of imagination yet still, there is something missing. 

That's why, by the end of my conversation, I told my inner child that I'll listen to her. I told her, yes,  we can go outside. I told her that I'm going to listen to her, hold her tight, and love her, accept her very little needs to simply laugh, and be happy.

I applied for jobs two weeks ago. I have so many choices, surrendering my fate to the universe's wise intelligence. I told my inner child that if I don't end up getting a job, I'm going to travel back to Poland and live there. I'll start my own business as a private English tutor and go slow, growing very subtly. I very much believe that I have a very little child within me, who has been suppressed ever since I was twelve years old. Occasionally, I'd let her out to dance, sing, and laugh, but those occasions would swiftly disappear under piles of responsibilities and grown-up stuff to do.

I believe I have a right to comfort my own existence. I have been very strict with myself, denying my needs, always focusing on how to be a better adult. I now see that the most beautiful people we connect to are ones who are close and in touch with their inner child; who seem to have never grown old and remained young at heart. I truly want to be young at heart; oh, how simply splendorous would it be to find fun and delicate opportunities for creativity and imagination in every occurrence, even at work. Work does not have to be daunting, serious and problematic. It can be a funny, imaginative, and passionate experience.

I think my inner child feels safe now. I told her that she doesn't have to end up living here if she doesn't want to. She is so joyous right now, twirling from sheer excitement. I told her that the universe knows best, and we will always find a way to keep ourselves soulfully alive with love for life.

If you are curious to get to know your inner child, email me here, so I can gift you a free audiobook. :)