a daylight dream

It’s no longer dark when we wake up. The sun is already facing us with its expressive blaze and over-arching light rays. We wake for the calling of the birds, the sound of the sprinklers in the gardens beside and the buzzing of life round every corner. But this morning, I wake up while it’s no longer dark in my mind. For a time not so short, I’ve been waking with a fear gnawing at my spirit. I didn’t tell you, not to obstruct your peace and everglowing smile. I liked hearing about your dreams and aspirations soaring up to heights unimaginable, because they are a part of your soul that I do not wish to reign but  let be. You were the first to wake, perhaps it was the thrill that intrigued your mind from settling into a sleep you needed. I rushed out of bed to prepare you breakfast and squeeze out fresh orange juice into a bottle, allowing the sour-sweet elusive fragrance to tickle my breaths, forming a smile on my face. I wrap it all up into your suitcase with a frown c...

It’s crucial to know, learn and read. Yet it’s sad that knowledge is now measured by the degrees and certificates we possess. I question the global political authorities’ methods of quantifying the learning process, tearing apart the essence of how individualised it must be. Some of us are blessed by the educational systems but, many experience grave injustice when their potentials are hindered. I believe that the educational system is a blessing for many, for not all of us are able to take lead of our own learning process. However, we are being socialised to think that schools and universities are offering all what is there in the disciplines being taught, which is firmly untrue. So much lies beyond textbooks and curricula; many opinions, arguments and contradictions. We are supposed to be aware of that. All I want to reveal here is that, one should never stop chasing knowledge. We don’t have to classify ourselves from a young age by saying we aren’t good at a...

Stay before leaving. Stay with your whole heart and soul. Stay with your laughter and fears. Stay along the tribulations and joy, with eyes that keep observing from the open windows of your home. Stay even if you’re hurt, because you’ve got a purpose as you stand in your place. Even if you’re being ripped apart with every single step you take, your journey is being put into action. Perhaps this is only inception to something beautiful. Just as the calyxes start to erupt from their buds; their colours meagrely bland and fragrance young. Things don’t always appear to be appealing from the first glance. Stay because you’re already here. Stay for the sake of hope and the thrill of optimism, not more. Maybe you could only stay searching whether this life turns out to be worthwhile or not— but you can as well choose to prove it yourself. Stay wholeheartedly before the airplanes take off to the sky. Stay immersed. Stay true. Stay you.

I wanted to talk about challenges I’ve been facing the last couple of months. Why? Because I believe writing about it merges reality into luscious beliefs of positive outcomes, which is a therapeutic practice, isn’t it? I’ve recently read about a concept called “amor fati” . It’s simply loving fate, with all its twists, downturns and celebrations. I experienced some sort of epiphany while reading about it, because it’s exactly what I aspire to do in my life. It’s hard, yet typically worthwhile. So here are the challenges that will someday turn out to be blessings. Health — Thankfully, my health is so much better this year but it’s only because I prioritised holistic healing over anything else. I realised that the process of reclamation takes time, which made me accept not feeling well on some days. Improving my health eased anxiety and allowed joy to blossom. There is more energy to struggle and fight as well as laugh and weep. So many lessons have been learned and I’m g...

What an astounding year, truly. I may need to admit that it had been one of the most profound I’ve ever lived in so many terms. There had been ups and downs, but I don’t think I minded them like I used Accepting my moments of confusion and overwhelm perhaps made it easier in so many ways, because it has been proven that things get clearer when you exert more effort and take baby steps to get to where you want. They mean nothing sometimes, but mostly, they do lead somewhere. University It had been challenging in some way, but also enlightening in others. For starters, there were some courses that I disliked as they were too general and oversimplified, and I find muse in sophisticated concepts. Thus, I would find myself not studying fervently but only doing so to get it over with. However, I compensated this loss of interest with research and linking those concepts to areas I find compelling like education and holistic health. Yet, I paid the price of not being able to...

Layers within layers of indigo clouds, the light conceals itself, creating shadows that darken their insides. The air smells like damp earth and grass-dew, and there are residues of raindrops in the atmosphere, humidifying it with a warm transparent moisture. And though the rain attempts to nourish us earthlings with richness accompanied by the gushing water streams and puddles, it seems to always make the world put a mask on. Though the rain is beautiful and kind, it hides it all with the magnitudes or darkness and stiffness. It takes effort to negate the judgement of my perception— to love the rain instead of despising what it shows on the outside. Then I remember you. I remember the mask you tend to pull on the whole day; keeping your distance, dealing with the concrete facts, judging alternatives on what they are and completely forgetting to ask your heart where it lies. Just like those clouds above hiding the blueness beneath it and nipping away the vivid colours ...

On days like today, I’m rather tired. Tired from being too imperfect in so many aspects; the mistakes I keep doing, affirmations I’m forgetting and commitments I fail to keep up with. I’m sometimes tired of having to fix so many things in order to truly be free. There is always something new and more challenging, requiring more time and consistent effort. It needs me to be gentle and compassionate towards my flaws, and it’s something I haven’t learned just yet. Because every time I witness how much I’ve got left, it alienates me; for I’m not instantly rewarded, thus it gives the impression that I’m going nowhere, overcoming one obstacle after the other, only to find more and more in the way. Perhaps it’s because it’s not only my own imperfections that I’m trying to change but also the world’s. I get along with positivity an proactivity, but I tend to overuse this smile constantly glued on my face until it dries up and I feel like it’s not working anymore. It’s diffi...

I see the morning moon, It reminds me of you, Shining against the luminous blue, Despite not having to. You need not the darkness, Nor the ordinary contrast, You honour your phases, With sudden disappearance. I learned to watch you wane, And silence your thoughts, Only then do smiles, Express the most. You need to learn, What sparks your glow, For you shall not, On your very own. Though we’ve found ourselves, Loosely guided by the tides, The decision not to dominate, Left us outcast by the crowd. Thus we were found alone, Time proves how much we’ve grown. Disappear as much as you like, I’m a gazer of wandering eyes, I’ll spot your fervent return: A lingering habit of my mind. Your fullness and your crescents, Are meanings to your soulful presence. Heaven is where we shall ask, The questions confusing us, And we perform in this life, Missions we dared to trust. Till we meet then, in real life, For now I ...

An amiable month has passed, one that probably meant a lot through its normality. Nothing spectacular happened, but I’d like to share with you a lyric from a song so dear to me at the moment: “In this game of hide and seek, I can’t help but think, The ordinary, Has swallowed the key.” I adore finding meaning within the ordinary and simple happenings of everyday life, venerate moments of epiphany and sudden realisations of inner truths and thereof. April has given me that, through its subtle changeable monotony, one that I try to accustom to but failed considerably, since something is always challenging me round the corner. In April, I realised that it’s totally significant to remain who I am in this world, and I’ve got every right to relish this right. I believe it’s rather a blessing to recognise one’s worth and live everyday acknowledging it. I’m trying to cultivate the seeds of acceptance and the hardest thing is perhaps getting bombarded with irration...

The closest we could get to truth is to demand it from ourselves, with honesty, integrity and trust. There is no truth more soulful and clairvoyant. I used to lie to myself. I used to judge my needs critically and negate them, just for the sake of being someone I wasn’t meant to be. Someone free of demands, rights and connections. I wanted to exist but didn’t want to face people’s rejection and resistance. But the truth is that we all need something, and we lie to ourselves by believing we will attain that need some time later— next year, when we graduate, get a job, get married, get sick and thereof. We believe that our intuition is merely a nagging voice that we should discard to keep living in our lies, because they’re comfortable and easy to confront compared to the truth. But the truth is liberating and so inadvertently real. It exists within us all, crosses our minds and leaves till we finally pay attention. Because the truth will always reveal itself, its signs...