a daylight dream

What an astounding year, truly. I may need to admit that it had been one of the most profound I’ve ever lived in so many terms. There had been ups and downs, but I don’t think I minded them like I used Accepting my moments of confusion and overwhelm perhaps made it easier in so many ways, because it has been proven that things get clearer when you exert more effort and take baby steps to get to where you want. They mean nothing sometimes, but mostly, they do lead somewhere. University It had been challenging in some way, but also enlightening in others. For starters, there were some courses that I disliked as they were too general and oversimplified, and I find muse in sophisticated concepts. Thus, I would find myself not studying fervently but only doing so to get it over with. However, I compensated this loss of interest with research and linking those concepts to areas I find compelling like education and holistic health. Yet, I paid the price of not being able to...

Layers within layers of indigo clouds, the light conceals itself, creating shadows that darken their insides. The air smells like damp earth and grass-dew, and there are residues of raindrops in the atmosphere, humidifying it with a warm transparent moisture. And though the rain attempts to nourish us earthlings with richness accompanied by the gushing water streams and puddles, it seems to always make the world put a mask on. Though the rain is beautiful and kind, it hides it all with the magnitudes or darkness and stiffness. It takes effort to negate the judgement of my perception— to love the rain instead of despising what it shows on the outside. Then I remember you. I remember the mask you tend to pull on the whole day; keeping your distance, dealing with the concrete facts, judging alternatives on what they are and completely forgetting to ask your heart where it lies. Just like those clouds above hiding the blueness beneath it and nipping away the vivid colours ...

On days like today, I’m rather tired. Tired from being too imperfect in so many aspects; the mistakes I keep doing, affirmations I’m forgetting and commitments I fail to keep up with. I’m sometimes tired of having to fix so many things in order to truly be free. There is always something new and more challenging, requiring more time and consistent effort. It needs me to be gentle and compassionate towards my flaws, and it’s something I haven’t learned just yet. Because every time I witness how much I’ve got left, it alienates me; for I’m not instantly rewarded, thus it gives the impression that I’m going nowhere, overcoming one obstacle after the other, only to find more and more in the way. Perhaps it’s because it’s not only my own imperfections that I’m trying to change but also the world’s. I get along with positivity an proactivity, but I tend to overuse this smile constantly glued on my face until it dries up and I feel like it’s not working anymore. It’s diffi...

I see the morning moon, It reminds me of you, Shining against the luminous blue, Despite not having to. You need not the darkness, Nor the ordinary contrast, You honour your phases, With sudden disappearance. I learned to watch you wane, And silence your thoughts, Only then do smiles, Express the most. You need to learn, What sparks your glow, For you shall not, On your very own. Though we’ve found ourselves, Loosely guided by the tides, The decision not to dominate, Left us outcast by the crowd. Thus we were found alone, Time proves how much we’ve grown. Disappear as much as you like, I’m a gazer of wandering eyes, I’ll spot your fervent return: A lingering habit of my mind. Your fullness and your crescents, Are meanings to your soulful presence. Heaven is where we shall ask, The questions confusing us, And we perform in this life, Missions we dared to trust. Till we meet then, in real life, For now I ...

An amiable month has passed, one that probably meant a lot through its normality. Nothing spectacular happened, but I’d like to share with you a lyric from a song so dear to me at the moment: “In this game of hide and seek, I can’t help but think, The ordinary, Has swallowed the key.” I adore finding meaning within the ordinary and simple happenings of everyday life, venerate moments of epiphany and sudden realisations of inner truths and thereof. April has given me that, through its subtle changeable monotony, one that I try to accustom to but failed considerably, since something is always challenging me round the corner. In April, I realised that it’s totally significant to remain who I am in this world, and I’ve got every right to relish this right. I believe it’s rather a blessing to recognise one’s worth and live everyday acknowledging it. I’m trying to cultivate the seeds of acceptance and the hardest thing is perhaps getting bombarded with irration...

The closest we could get to truth is to demand it from ourselves, with honesty, integrity and trust. There is no truth more soulful and clairvoyant. I used to lie to myself. I used to judge my needs critically and negate them, just for the sake of being someone I wasn’t meant to be. Someone free of demands, rights and connections. I wanted to exist but didn’t want to face people’s rejection and resistance. But the truth is that we all need something, and we lie to ourselves by believing we will attain that need some time later— next year, when we graduate, get a job, get married, get sick and thereof. We believe that our intuition is merely a nagging voice that we should discard to keep living in our lies, because they’re comfortable and easy to confront compared to the truth. But the truth is liberating and so inadvertently real. It exists within us all, crosses our minds and leaves till we finally pay attention. Because the truth will always reveal itself, its signs...

Safely, As the clouds obscure the sun, Leaf-glistens changing colours. Breezes caressing cheeks, Numbing some of our sorrows. Safely, Laying upon the shore, Waiting for tides to bring in hope. Closing our eyes to sleep, Darkness calms us afloat. Then, Waking up to the cold, Greying our gushing thoughts. Change in everything is deemed, Our reality is only what we perceive. You, Need not save my dimming light, It shall sure soon reignite. From skin to sky to space, We need nothing but faith. Us, Growing, entwining, letting go, Left for winds to willingly blow. Wrap up our last words, Enclose them like petals of a rose. Safely, We rest on glass like dew, On a morning we rise anew. Tread gently uphill, Fade not, our sweet will. -- inspired by sweet words sung to my soul whenever it craves the compassion safety brings.

Walking on the grass, a smile slowly and safely forms on my face, easing an inexplicable tension somewhere in my mind. It’s green, but not completely, like a mosaic, scattered with pale weeds and unrecognisable blossoms that change with the seasons. Each step is unique and thrilling, inspiring different sensations. There are unexpected dentures that gently make my heart sink with an endearing surprise. There is moisture that seeps through my shoes, from the dew of early mornings or water sprinklers from yesternights. Some spots are toughened with pebbles and sharp rocks, but I step on them gracefully, acknowledging the idea of obstacles they are trying to vocalise. The grass is a canvas, like the sky is to the birds. On it dwells life and the accompanied secrets and mysteries that we humans can not comprehend; ants and beetles tread with a sharp aim, bees fly from blossom to blossom seeking nourishment, birds walk searching, communicating, eventually taking off an...

The dawn pierces through the darkness with impeccable faint rays of light. It also, quite recently, pierces through the deadly silence with the gleeful chirping of birds, melodising symphonies through their morning conversations. And I wake with sleepy eyes that haven’t yet got habituated to the radiance beaming in the living room. I look at what surrounds me and realise that I had fallen asleep on the sofa the night before, completely forgetting to head to the bed. At the other end of the sofa there is you, your back facing the windows so that I cannot see the features of your face— probably tired and worn out. You’re like a silhouette, deeply mysterious and I long for the sunlight to drown the room to see you peacefully asleep. I, myself, am kind of tired as well but it doesn’t cease me from smiling and feeling quite rapturous. I remind myself of our visualisations of the future; how we used to talk so much about striving to be different, to cherish the love in our heart...

The world surrounding us frequently nips safety away from us; we constantly fear getting fired from our jobs, not sustaining our lifestyle, getting bad grades at school or even get mocked by others for our views and opinions. These cues shatter our sense of safety, making us afraid, in perpetual worry and doubt of what tomorrow will bring. Personally, I’ve been raised to fear life. I’d always hear advice like: “prepare for the bad days”, “expect the worst”, “life is hard” , etc. I’m not saying that those pieces of advice are irrelevant— no, they reflect truth in miscellaneous ways, only the fact that they instil so much fear is what I don’t agree upon. In retrospect, I wonder about the root cause of my anxiety and think: is it because my mind is unconsciously befuddled with this fear? Though it’s substantially better, I do often fall into lapses of being scared from growing up, becoming an adult and having to face such ridiculous situations and be traumatised by them, like the...