a daylight dream

Some days I feel helpless and I wonder why. What I don't know is that, it's okay to be helpless, it's rather natural to feel that way. Some days I forget that I don't have to control the whole world to be happy, things will happen out of the blue, and who am I to feel like it's my fault? We are humans, and we are born to feel helpless, it's only a sign that we have taken our abilities too far. Life wasn't meant to be controlled but to be lived and accepted. So when you feel like there's nothing else you can do to fix things, know that it's enough. Just wait. Work on your mind to accept things with an open heart. Wait for good things to happen, because they always do. Often we forget to trust the universe to teach us important lessons in life; things usually happen for a reason and our meagre mental capabilities cannot see through the future and many infinities to come to assure us. Our souls know differently and in that case, we need to trus...

I'm a fairly resilient person and it rather overwhelmed me back then, because I didn't know who I really was; my identity was lost in betwixt the many people I knew in my life. In a room, I'll shape up according to the people I find there; their attitudes and dispositions, because I don't like conflicting atmospheres. You would find me talking to you about silly matters so feverishly yet inside, I think I'm wasting some valuable time. I don't really believe in horoscopes but, I'm a cancerian, which means my star is a water sign. And to be honest, I'm so much like water. I shape up accordingly to the container I'm being poured into. I could be a river that flows in grace, a current vigorously pumping, an ocean flowing, raindrops pattering or even vapours ascending. Im so versatile and you might not notice it especially if you know me so well. But inside? Well, it confuses me a lot for some days I spend wondering who I really am and whether the th...

I decided to start a series of blog posts called "Dear Journal" that would consist of one journal entry I made on a particular day in the past. I think it would be a good way to reflect upon issues and situations that occurred to me that would eventually lead me to learn from my mistakes, appreciate my efforts and let not time just slip through my fingers without me being aware of each and every happening, whether good or bad, because I've got one life to live and I want to make it one to remember when I'm dead. " 15.06.2016 Hey diary, I don't feel so well, I have no idea where my soulful disposition escaped, but wherever that place is.. It's within someone because I have firmly concluded that I could be defined in a terse phrase which is : resilient. Yeah, I am resilient. I shape up accordingly to circumstance, especially people. This year I've been surrounded by practical ones, not those kindred spirits that allow your soul to ebb on top of yo...

Good morning (evening/afternoon) people! I cannot believe April is coming; time passed really fast this year, perhaps because there is a lot happening. Also, spring makes things happen too fast, with all the flowers blooming, weathers changing, animals breeding and the whole world just aspiring to change with all the effort it can exert. :) As for me, it was a month I learned from (as usual). I understood myself more, tried the alternative solutions available to solve my problems, cherished my body, allowed my productivity to heighten a little in some aspects so all is good even though on bad days, it's difficult to be so calm, trustful and patient in respect to my attitude. All in all, I'm grateful I've lived this March. I had my midterms this week and it was hectic. The exams included things I did not study and the questions were partially unfamiliar because I didn't solve the questions available as they were similar to those in the exams. But it seems I n...

Flowers are so fragile, the same way I think I am. I'm a highly emotional person and it makes life tough sometimes yet fascinatingly intriguing. I usually deepen my emotions to a huge extent and I get tapped into this really vast awareness of every single feeling which would affect my whole organism. Ignorance is sometimes bliss in that case, when a minor bloated feeling could actually wreck your whole mind, making you uncomfortable and weary. But other cases, it's amazing to feel so enraptured about simple occurrences when my mind is clear, my conscience balanced, my soul free. I cannot ignore sadness and it's something I need to work on. When I hear bad news, I might appear strong and steady on the outside, while beneath this face, I'm actually holding on to any reason to be a victim; to entirely grieve and feel my heart collapsing in my chest and sense the pain pounding in every smallest unit of time existent in life's scale. I also have many inner shells ...

Hey guys, it's been a hectic week for some reason, and it kind of passed, thankfully. I mean, the problem with me is that I face problems by being patient, hoping they would pass on their own but I realised that I kind of have to act in order to change my feelings and thoughts to feel better, and that's what I did yesterday. I just changed my day a little as well as my food. Eating carbs kind of make me feel weird, so I think I'll just stick to more proteins and fats. I won't restrict, but I'll just change the proportions and see how I feel afterwards. So, I have always been fascinated by morning moons-- you know those days when the moon actually appears in the morning? In a blue sky? Well, that phenomena just mesmerises me. I believe that their appearance is a metaphor and a symbol for some kind of meaning and after years of trying to find out, I finally thought of something. :) Your skin smells  Like a limelight I think you are The moon. Amidst the ...

Sometimes you just have to open up, to accept, to make the best out of everything. Sometimes your dreams and your passions are too intangible to be real. Perhaps your purposes are only attitudes and feelings you wish to attain every single day. Maybe it's your dream to love, care, support, believe in every moment and you're lost over the fact that you cannot find yourself in a particular picture. Everyone around might be already taking real steps toward a tangible purpose but here you are, lost, unable to function without a goal. Just be sure that you're not alone, and that there are many like you. Some people you don't know have no idea where they are heading, but they want to learn in every step, show strength in every lesson, be passionate about every single detail their minds are aware of. And that's okay. The world needs you. The world needs to be appreciated and loved. Your soul makes a difference, and it (presumably) makes God happy. He created you, and yo...

Umm, I've been having a couple of bad days here; my body suddenly decided to turn against me somehow. It even sounds strange to say that, but it's either me exaggerating each sensation every other human being doesn't normally feel, or my body spinning out of control. Suddenly, I just started getting really anxious somehow, over everything and it was thing kind of feeling I couldn't control no matter what. I kept telling myself to be kind, amazing, to keep being gentle but to no avail, I hated myself in a way unimaginable and it made me feel sick. I worried over everything; my studies, future, health, family issues.. everything felt so surreal and illusional.. like why do I even live in the first place? And then I heard about this European Hijab Ban and I started fretting. I know I should be strong but my anxiety gets triggered by these kind of events. Sometimes I believe I'm really mad and I should seek some mental health assistance. Every single day, I hear rea...

I've always had a problem with bad days, which means I felt victimised by them. Every time I'd wake up feeling inherently not right, I would just instinctively know that whatever events that should occur during that day would be stressing. A few years ago, recurring bad days were a reason I actually started loathing myself, when bad things started to happen, I'd think like: "God hates me. I don't deserve this life. These things are happening to me because I'm a bad person and I deserve to be punished." I would end up crying, locking myself with thoughts full of hatred and self-doubt and it didn't exactly make the bad days stop coming, in fact, it made me more susceptible and weakened. Somehow, this changed. I woke up on Sunday, looked out of the window and saw gusty winds blowing with this sickening sand which suddenly made me feel dreary because I'm kind of sensitive to these kind of weather changes, and just a glimpse of a beautiful sunris...

Sunlight peeping through. I am definitely a sunlight person, not in that fiery, sparkly way but the way I just feel at home under those illuminated rays. Even moonlight has this beautiful, solemn aura in it. I love visibility, I love how those light rays make it less difficult for everything to just be, to be seen the way it truly is. It allows us beings to just watch our environment without the bias we use to judge ourselves and others, and it's the most liberating feeling in the world. Under the sunshine, I usually feel my problems thaw, the barricades I build during moments of anxiety and sadness break down, consequently releasing clouds of enlightenment. When the sun shines, the sky feels more blue, the clouds more illuminated, the beauty easier to perceive. I'm like a sunflower, always seeking the light. Always getting out of classes to allow my face to touch and feel the warmth and the comfort of the sun shining down on me, and it's such an exuberant, indescr...