a daylight dream

  the dissonance this love leaves me in— at the edge of my longing for silence at the end of each day. you watch me sit in the loneliness of twilight, closing my eyes while the snowflakes beating against my heart settle and swim in rivers of fractured calm and unlikely peace.  I’m at the edge of enjoying it a little too much, just a footnote deeper into the letters I never sent to grief that lurk at the pools of overloaded stillness. letters I lived for for so long, a self-pitying disposition I no longer need— now there’s  you . you kept your promise when you told me you’d never leave me alone. a second too deep into my silence and you’re here with your eyes, searching for something, searching for a window into my heart. I smile back into your eyes, contemplating the newness of my compromise. a silence I know hurts both me and you, but it gives me something nothing ever gives. a glimpse of ethereal sadness that bounces back to the spheres. but I don’t need that anymore....

  finally , you whimper. gazing into my eyes that night, stars above us a frequency I'd only dreamed of. the moonlight a halo so magnetic between our hearts, every minute away from your embrace an earthquake towards the tsunamic tides. my words melt into you. those eyes I fell for eons ago. I could only breathe out, tears in my eyes, closeness a sacred prayer every breath of me makes. you hold my hand so gently, your heart racing, surrendering before me. finally , our love. there's this thing between us. a gaze that lasts a lifetime, a lyric of unkempt apologies, sighs and ' i love you 's buried deep between the bridges I burned between us. it didn't take long to hold it up again- just like that, it's here. there are red roses blooming in my cheeks, wildly scented just for you. the fragrance of longing to be loved this much, with all your strength, with the fullest moon in your heart a light that soaks me whole. our breaths coalesce and the invisible strings th...

  endearlingly, july ends. it was such a cordial month filled with sweet beginnings and in-betweenness so sacredly beautiful. it was quite jovial to be alive this month, an unreasonable gratitude for the little moments sinking in deeper and deeper. some place in between real life and dreams, july met me. ordinarily sacred and loving. and here is my reflection. a soothing calmness and peace perhaps the most significant thing about july was that it gifted me a river of calmness and peace. you know me, i'm mostly restlessly anxious, drenched in patterns of overthinking. that changed, and has changed for a while. perhaps in july, it was the first time to spend so much time without it which felt so relaxingly new. a cool, light-blue and opal aura radiated from within. I did not allow myself to worry so much about the future and whenever I started having obsessive thoughts about some imperfection or fatal flaw in my life, I quickly instructed my mind to settle down, to raise my vibration...

I’d never stayed up late just to wait for someone’s sweetest replies. I’d never thought I was one to break my rules so much, entwined by a thousand mischievous smiles just to let you in. just for another word that makes me long for another lifetime. akin to the one I left you hanging. it is time for me to admit I’ve been a foolish child not thinking I was deserving of this. skyscraper-high dreams you’ve built just for one glorious love you see in my eyes. oh, and to be the one for it. to be deserving this— not something I’ve known so well. I was always one to pine achingly for wordless reveries and clouds that never touched the ground with the sweetness of their rains. but once I’ve been trapped mid-air, one knows it’s never again. a territory so broken, so stolen and so solemnly irreverent to trespass without a hand like yours. a hand that has built all what it could. something I could see. some love I could feel. would you drown in me the way you’re used to? you deserve this, too. th...

  can you feel my armour let down in your presence? my shoulders dropping beneath your protective eyes, in which I shine ever so beautifully. a jewel enclosed in your heart— your heavenly, unconditional gateway for a divine purpose you never thought would be  that  enough. when you’re here, somehow, there’s this letting go. a sun being received by the enormity of an endless lilac-blue sky. the strong, foundational essence of your stillness is the hue that makes no one else see it’s me, the one love standing before only  you . it took me some time to come home. to everything you fought for. with you like this, an infinite provision and relentless spiral of giving, there is no need to chase. I’m here now, my dear.  there’s some magical wisp in our good mornings. some thing charmingly alluring in our unfinished lines and the stories that just never end. dreams sailing between our oceans and the sparkling wonder in our eyes. to do it with you.  only you . ...

  I used to be in love with one who chose the solitude of graceful silence. a gaze vacant of everything but the shimmering liveliness of celestial light. one who held it in reverent intimacy, who lied on the grass in restful contemplation and watched the complications of the constellations of mind glimmer in brokenness before them. near light, when the sky awakens from its dimness, it’s him I remember. it’s him I see in every cloud and field. it’s all over now. still, some things just never leave. I wonder if it was love all the time. I wonder what it all meant, what we understood in one timeless gaze. I wonder where this oneness came from, and why I trembled in his remembrance, the enormity of being held like this, unmatched. perhaps in another eternal lifetime, this love. perhaps it would be different. nothing there would pull us apart. it would be a mirror of you in mine, an infinite kaleidoscope. perhaps the earthliness of this world has never known a love like ours. at least k...

days have been ordinary. I've replaced my longing for magic and splendour with a calm appreciation for sweet nothings. afternoons spent in the living room filled with distractions, and not an uninterrupted twenty minutes of time to read a book or focus on something most people would say, important . surely, it feels that an essential part of who I am is missing. it is quite natural for me to disappear vacantly into a cocoon of vehement contemplation, dimming the outside just to see the scintillating sparks of realisation within. yet, I see that time had been wasted on ideas that no longer have their place in the present moment. even the love that burst so intimately is washing itself away with the waves of time stealing all that has been.  my sister says I'm more fun to be around now. maybe she's right. maybe I've forsaken the propensity to drown into the waves of subtlety to be here more often, in relaxed calmness and an unresisting disposition. watching movies, sippin...

today, I turn twenty-five. there's so much to say about everything that has happened this year and now that I come to reflect, I find that it has been a year of so much build-up, and quite unexpectedly, breakdown. it was tumultuous, tricky and inexplicably transformative in that way. a year of making so many mistakes, failing at most of my endeavours just to know the truest cause. despite its turbulent nature, I am grateful for my twenty-fourth year and what it has taught me, and I am ready to unpack all the lessons in time. I feel that all my twenty-fourth year prepared me for what is to come; to the point where I can make newer intentions based on what I had learned. I feel I've changed, not sure for better or for worse, but some sacrifices had been made. some trade-offs have been encouraged to serve the purpose of wholeness. some dreams are being replaced with more grounded ones, instead of those that are lofty, sky-high and rather mountainously unattainable. energy is being...

leaving my twenty-fourth year behind, here are twenty-four lessons I have learned. some were easy to learn: wistfully passing by a conscious heart. others were terribly painful and recurring. gratitude coats both experiences in reverent contemplation and equanimity. :) -1-  in most evolutionary steps we take in our lives, it is essential that we have a guide or a mentor. inspiration is beautiful and it may lead us daringly; however, guidance is a confirmation. it is important to have someone that we rely on, someone wise, knowledgeable, caring and loving who would take our hand and point us to where we need to go. depending on our minds solely does not always leave us whole. -2- follow a path of ease, but make sure it still is a mountain. when we overexert ourselves with so much stress willingly, it does not build our resilience, it makes us tired, exhausted and unable to move towards ideals we truly believe in. making a path challenging and beyond our comfort zone is a choice th...