do not leave me this alone.

 

the dissonance this love leaves me in— at the edge of my longing for silence at the end of each day. you watch me sit in the loneliness of twilight, closing my eyes while the snowflakes beating against my heart settle and swim in rivers of fractured calm and unlikely peace. 

I’m at the edge of enjoying it a little too much, just a footnote deeper into the letters I never sent to grief that lurk at the pools of overloaded stillness. letters I lived for for so long, a self-pitying disposition I no longer need— now there’s you.

you kept your promise when you told me you’d never leave me alone. a second too deep into my silence and you’re here with your eyes, searching for something, searching for a window into my heart. I smile back into your eyes, contemplating the newness of my compromise. a silence I know hurts both me and you, but it gives me something nothing ever gives. a glimpse of ethereal sadness that bounces back to the spheres.

but I don’t need that anymore. when I could be happy. when I could be more than just my silence. when I could be everything a star is, not its view from distant hills.

I need not the vacant eyes and listless expressions, the hours wallowed in blues so crystalline they shatter into pieces no one ever recollects, and the memories I punch back into softness just so they never heal. those days are ones I left behind the day I knew it was you.

your presence is somehow my own. a pulsating, scintillating light of so much energy, romance and undying search for more of what makes it what it is. we compete through the distance between us slowly retaliating and all at once diminishing. you leap into my oceans once again. I can’t help but let you in.

you keep your promises all the time. unknowingly, you’ve held my hand as I drowned far deeper into undeserved fates. you pulled me into your sailing ship. and now I’m here: the fullness of this presence, it’s remarkable. it’s real. and I speak of poems in the glimmers of my eyes and you know your gift. it’s all this.

all the wonders we make sense of, the territories untraced in these maps. I sense it all with my all-knowing heart and we take ourselves there, sailing fearless reveries and dreams beyond our reach.

just keep doing this, dear. never leave me this alone. never leave me into a solitude that harnessed me away from the world when I had so much to give forward.

I never want to be this alone. I don’t have to be, anymore.