the ordinary.

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days have been ordinary. I've replaced my longing for magic and splendour with a calm appreciation for sweet nothings. afternoons spent in the living room filled with distractions, and not an uninterrupted twenty minutes of time to read a book or focus on something most people would say, important.

surely, it feels that an essential part of who I am is missing. it is quite natural for me to disappear vacantly into a cocoon of vehement contemplation, dimming the outside just to see the scintillating sparks of realisation within. yet, I see that time had been wasted on ideas that no longer have their place in the present moment. even the love that burst so intimately is washing itself away with the waves of time stealing all that has been. 

my sister says I'm more fun to be around now. maybe she's right. maybe I've forsaken the propensity to drown into the waves of subtlety to be here more often, in relaxed calmness and an unresisting disposition. watching movies, sipping iced coffee, and all these repetitive bicycle rides. it's all okay. it's so unnervingly ordinary. 

perhaps I do miss my eyes pining for divine skies. but the cloudy veils are just right. I surrender the ordinariness of this feeling heart, its restfulness in equanimous peace. the depths are getting more shallow by the minute. I let it go.

I ask for permission to leave that insatiable quest of splendour and glory behind and step into moments that will never be enough. because, essentially, this life will never be enough.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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