july: oneness with life

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endearlingly, july ends. it was such a cordial month filled with sweet beginnings and in-betweenness so sacredly beautiful. it was quite jovial to be alive this month, an unreasonable gratitude for the little moments sinking in deeper and deeper. some place in between real life and dreams, july met me. ordinarily sacred and loving. and here is my reflection.

a soothing calmness and peace

perhaps the most significant thing about july was that it gifted me a river of calmness and peace. you know me, i'm mostly restlessly anxious, drenched in patterns of overthinking. that changed, and has changed for a while. perhaps in july, it was the first time to spend so much time without it which felt so relaxingly new. a cool, light-blue and opal aura radiated from within. I did not allow myself to worry so much about the future and whenever I started having obsessive thoughts about some imperfection or fatal flaw in my life, I quickly instructed my mind to settle down, to raise my vibration and think about doing my part.

there had been challenges to think of such as the condition of my country, my place in the world and how I would choose to contribute and keep being an ambassador of love and kindness in all this rubble. it still bugs me to think about it since I do not know exactly how to contribute to all this breakdown. I remind myself to keep doing my part, to work on my own state of consciousness and rather trust that this is enough. it is good enough. that is a faith I need to instill to counter my infatuation with being imperfect and not enough.

radiating through love

this month, I experienced the glimmering light of womanhood. it is quite thrilling for me since my masculine energy is quite domineering at times, especially when I feel responsible. a twist of fate has allowed me to bask in the loveliness of receivership, taking care of my body and honouring myself with confidence. it is quite surreal how my eyes softened and widened to take all this love in, and it somehow radiated towards everyone around me. I am grateful for how my sister and I have bonded this summer, for our relationship has matured quite beautifully and taken a more humorous turn. it is one thing I am grateful for each moment I see her around.

I have come to slowly practice honouring myself, respecting my needs and being more self-aware. perhaps I do not reflect as much since I left my journal in Egypt, but I still manage to respond to situations more mindfully than before. one small sign of this is that I haven't been biting my nails for two months already, so far so good. my self-esteem has risen considerably, which allows me to somehow advocate for whatever I truly love in life.

baby steps

in my deepest intentions, baby steps have been made towards some beautiful life. baby steps towards improvements in my career, plans to venture like never before and at last, live independently with an ocean-wide love. perhaps that is all I can truly say, for there is no use in saying what has not yet been manifested. I am only here to celebrate the intentions and the change of my inner landscape that allows for the most beautiful choices to be made.

for around more than one year now, I was not truly aligned to growing myself towards a big purpose in life. I was playing a little small. I am grateful to change that kind of mindset and plan for baby steps that would enable me to challenge myself outside zones of comfort, where magic follows.

improving my gut health

something that gave me the most satisfaction is taking real steps towards improving my gut health. perhaps I will never really heal it completely, it seems that I may always remain sensitive towards legumes, nuts, seeds and sugars as well as some other inflammatory foods. however, at least I manage to live most of my days without pain. what helped in managing my IBS was (a) taking a probiotic and prebiotic each morning (b) meditating more than once a day as well as listening to hypnosis that helps soothe and calm the gut by relaxing muscles and easing anxiety (c) copious amounts of yoghurt! (d) managing my triggers towards overthinking and anxiety in general, by not using my phone so often and limiting the content I take in, which normally makes me think too much. stepping to my heart and body has allowed my mind to become more of a servant, which I call a win. (:

I pray that the coming month also helped in easing my symptoms and healing my gut inflammation, which has taken a considerable toll on my physical strength and mental clarity. I must admit that most of my episodes of feeling sad, scared and worried stemmed from that perpetual brain fog that came about with a cramped, bloated gut. I intend to do my part and surrender it to timing, with beautiful patience

shimmering dreams

in the end, july gifted me some beautiful, realistic and inspiring dreams. actionable, but still ones that push me a little off the ledge. I can't wait to be here in a few months writing about it all happening, God willing. 

thank you, dear july. thank you for the healing, the letting go and the sacred emptiness that gave me exactly what I needed.

enter august, and its acceptant embrace. may the last days of this summer be so charmingly blissful.



going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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