a daylight dream

Dearest April has swept by, everyone, and it befuddles me how every year I state that time passes so fast from January to June. It’s a good thing, to me, because I thrive when I get to experience more and more things rather than just stop time and live the situation all over again. However, I might have wanted to go back in time a little this month, given the lingering emptiness that resides within me. I happened to practise patience everyday in April. I tried hard to remain present and grateful in all situations, not thinking much of the future and what it holds. Of course, that state of wild dreaming did take me to different places and I longed to be there, but patience grounded me. Also, I tried to be patient regarding my health and I’m reaping some good results, thankfully, but I’m not yet healed and whole. I need to still be patient for a long time in order to get there, I’m sure. I tried to appreciate people more this month with the simplest ways possible; you know...

Now that summer is almost here and the sun is soaking me with unfathomable energy, I cannot contain this wild energy to keep imagining and dreaming further; further than what is real out there, the boundaries of grounds and skies. I want to take the airplane and flee, land somewhere mysterious and discover the Earth, make connections, like I always do. I’m not saying that my life here is unfulfilling. It’s not. It’s a beautiful dream that I am living right now, one of my ideals taking shape. But still, as long as I am looking out for more to do, I cannot find stillness in everyday life. I cannot find satisfaction while my vivid ideals cannot presently touch what’s before me and transcend me into this—  I don’t know. Or maybe, I just want to fly away in that airplane because I miss certain things. I miss the smell of my mother’s perfume and the sound of the hairdryer every morning, having those light, hopeful conversations with her as she sips her morning coffee. I...

I wake up next to you, like I always do, and this chilly, brisk April morning is forcing me to bring the blanket closer to my skin, to feel warm and safe somehow. And this morning, I do really want to smile and show you the beauty rising before us this very instant, yet suddenly, my power fades and falters, like vapours rising from a forceful, gushing ocean. The glimmer wakening in my heart fails to ignite, so I wrap myself around the covers more gently, spending a few minutes lost in thought. Dearest, I love you. It’s a faith I want to scream out loud in graceful melodies. But some days, I’m a little bit unsure, a little bit unsafe to speak how I truly feel; for it’s often guilt and shame that encompasses every idea that runs through my head, when the notion is darkened with loathe and contempt. Deep down I know I am grateful, and there is this shower of mindfulness soaking me inwardly. But days like today, I can’t quite recognise it. I can’t project this beautiful, flow...

There are countless possibilities out there; with every new day there is an opportunity that something new is going to happen, something life-changing and mesmerising. This thought alone somehow never ceases to befuddle me with reflections and an uncontained energy. Every new day marks a new start for something entirely different. Many of us wake up with this vision of a possibility to turn to life. I personally rise with the sun and the birds, my heart pumping with a glimmer of hope that I’ll be the best version of myself, do any action that brings me closer to my mission on this planet. It exhilarates every cell of my body, it makes me head to do my errands with this untamed smile, even though I don’t really know what to do to attain that. You’ll often see me smiling when I see people. I recently received a letter from a dear soul telling me that in some way, I make people feel important. Is this my mission? I just really enjoy empowering others with words and tools they...

Of a broken heart,  I slept yesternight.  Lone and lust, up a hill.  Lost my balance,  Into smithereens,  I turned and rose,  Layers above.  From down below,  The winds were a breeze.  They blew silently;  The paleness in my cheeks,  Rustling leaves,  And paths,  I trailed.  Yet skyward,  The winds are a torrent,  Numbing me,  Completely.  And they take me,  I thought I was lost,  But what am I,  Now?  I learn to cope,  To stay present.  Feel the clouds,  Glazed by sunsets,  Toppling somewhere,  Transforming a mindset. I learn to rule,  To lead,  A kingdom in a realm,  That tames me in my wildest scheme,  That no one ever sees.  Need not I you,  For you give me nothing,  Respect shall suffice,  Your love is unnoticed.  Reali...

The sky has clouded upon me,  Though I’m longing for hope,  In the sun rays,  In the visible paths of our home.  This world shall give us,  More than we need,  If we wait to see,  What falls in place,  In time.  I overwhelm my mind,  With perplexing shadows of life;  The broken believers,  And their faded dreams,  Gave up before they reached the shore.  Today is never the last page,  To judge upon losing hope,  For the mornings shall always unravel more.  Dandelions I picked,  And blew away,  Wished for my heart to forever remain,  Strong to believe,  Them magical dreams.  There are days, perhaps like today,  Where the world conceals,  And hides within.  I let it be,  For it needs the time,  And I need the mystery. All is well,  Never mind the tired eyes.  At night I shall s...

We all know that life is painted in different colours— flamboyant ones of excitement and thrill, the faded of hope and anxiety, the dull of fear and loss. It’s somehow like a movie, these colours transitioning into one another and it seems that this one transition is truly patience— the binding that tapes all the wonderful pieces of humanity we experience together, as we move along them. I think patience is something that I do inherently have, fortunately. I am able to wait and wait; either fighting or letting go. It’s not easy, it does entail some struggles and chaos but this is how it is. This is how it should look like. I often find myself fighting with myself to fix what’s wrong, finding a million alternative solutions and means to go back to where it was before. However, I just realise in the end that it will never be the same again and that this chaos is actually required to curve paths towards my mission on Earth, and only this realisation makes me let go completely and...

Nearer than the stream of air, Breathed in to your chest, The fragrance of spring-blossoms, And the sweetness which follows. Nearer than the warmth, Of the first beam that comes, Igniting into your room; The sun rising too soon. Nearer than the melodies, You’re singing so slowly, I’m immersed as they’re echoing, I’m nearer than your wildest imaginings. Your “how are you?”, Is my favourite question, It somehow diminishes, The over-extending distance. Softening my heart; Your sweet affection, Such things not forgotten, They’re nearer in this trustful direction, Where we look upon the fields, Eyes beaming with possibilities, Towards the apple trees, Their white lush blossoms, Falling gently on our shoulders, Peachy hues through open windows, Shared by our sun-kissed skin, It’s the first time we live, A moment like this, When sunrise stories exist, Not only in words, But in eyes reflecting utmost bliss. In the near futu...

It occurred to me just now that the world works in terms of intricate balance in all perspectives. A war eating up a country alive somewhere on this planet is counterfeited by a solemn peace elsewhere. The fiery summer is corresponded by a cold winter. Births by deaths. Love by hate. Hope by fear. The clockwork of this universe seemingly must create a space for the crest of a wave to erupt by a preceding trough. And you all know that I’m quite galvanised by how we can interpret our lives through an analogy which combines the patterns of humanity and the universe. I like to even apply them to my own life; sometimes I find those patterns visible, some not yet pronounced. Just recently though, I realised that balance in our life is not theoretical as we think it may be. It’s evidently  real . If you browse through my blog backwards, back to year 2016 and 2017, you’ll find that I was in quite an unhappy place; figuring it out, fighting thoughts and being lost. I must s...

Harnessed by the worlds that part us, We are, Roaming in the wilderness, Of faint lines; Light beams that colour, An unfathomable love, A piece of restful art, Coloured by time, And patient hearts. We are left artists, For the universe to discover, We tread different roads, That bring us back to each other. Falling gently, A little back behind, The night dims the canvas, Hidden in your eyes, Close them, dear, The new day shall rise, The morning sun, For the world shines, A graceful leap towards, A direction of faith, And it will be alright. In this distance, Our art is rewritten, Photographed and edited, Sung and performed, Melodies echoing. Perhaps we need lone times, To strive towards, This wonderful masterpiece. The distance leaves a question, Do we need to keep perfecting? Alas, it’s just us, The artists this love made us become.