The Reality of Balance.

It occurred to me just now that the world works in terms of intricate balance in all perspectives. A war eating up a country alive somewhere on this planet is counterfeited by a solemn peace elsewhere. The fiery summer is corresponded by a cold winter. Births by deaths. Love by hate. Hope by fear. The clockwork of this universe seemingly must create a space for the crest of a wave to erupt by a preceding trough.

And you all know that I’m quite galvanised by how we can interpret our lives through an analogy which combines the patterns of humanity and the universe. I like to even apply them to my own life; sometimes I find those patterns visible, some not yet pronounced. Just recently though, I realised that balance in our life is not theoretical as we think it may be. It’s evidently real.

If you browse through my blog backwards, back to year 2016 and 2017, you’ll find that I was in quite an unhappy place; figuring it out, fighting thoughts and being lost. I must say I was really unsatisfied by how it was until something miraculous happened and I started to feel free and light again. I started to feel happy and beautiful, comfortable in my own skin, in love with the universe and its gifts. It was a very healthy place to be, honestly, and I enjoyed a full year of bliss and pure content. However, I didn’t stop to ever believe that this state could simply vanish. I didn’t stop to think that I might fall backwards again. I thoughts I had it figured it out, and all challenges would be faced gracefully.

But then, here I am. My life embodying balance precisely. There was this crest and spurt of peace and gratitude which made me grow and filled my world with positivity and grace— now I am experiencing this trough. It’s challenging. It’s saddening and a little bit hopeless— but it’s only a trough. There will be another climb up, I’m sure.

It’s not that bad, to be honest. When I was really happy just a year ago, it allowed me to grow in many dimensions; it strengthened my faith, filled me with gratitude, taught me values and made me believe in love— and those are vehicles I can use wherever I am right now. I’m not lost, not hopeless— just down there. I have accomplished a lot in many ways, but life doesn’t give you everything. It must teach you satisfaction wherever you are.

I realise that this is balance. This is how it works. I keep telling myself to let go and not really fight it anymore, but my ego is always the one wanting to fix things until they are perfect. Now I’m laughing at it, life is not like that, right? We can not control everything.

That leads me to thinking— we are really small. We humans are helpless and powerless. Some days, you’ll keep fighting and trying so hard to just get what you want but you never do. No matter how hard I try to work on myself to feel better, I just can’t do it. That’s okay. It’s yet another reminder that we need to let go fighting. We need to let go resisting, even if it is hard. Even if every cell of our being tells us to fight fight fight. We need to silence that and just let our struggles flow.

It takes time. It may take months or years. But it’s still the trough of the wave. You never know where you are on your way upwards— you may be nearly there, just let it go.

I need to tell myself this so often because I don’t really act accordingly. Most of the days I’m trying out new things and feeling really disappointed about things not working out the way I want them to.

That’s why I need to stop fighting.

If you’re struggling, I hope you understand the reality of our world. It’s not flawless and there are such trials to remind us of some of the lessons we need to learn along the way. They are ones to treasure, for they shall fill you with courage and all of the values that one dreams of having.

I’m so grateful that I appreciated every wonderful day that had passed. Those memories are now echoing and filling me with an intangible joy. I’m also grateful for this blog, through which I could go back and reflect to see how life works and learn along the way.

I’m grateful for this climb down even if it is painful and demanding. I’m grateful for an opportunity to learn how to let go.

Someday, I’ll learn to let go. This is my lesson.