a daylight dream

You put your head on the soft pillow, face sullen and pale, hair stiff and coarse. The room is humid and stale, its air filled with old fragrances that have lived seasons after seasons, till it had lost sense of time, something an old lady would lament about. The curtains are drawn but I know, that with just a swish, the room may come to life. So, I leave your head on the pillow, gracefully gravitated with misery and hopelessness, and I stand up, taking swift steps towards the window. As my fingers grasp the curtains, my arm moves to the side and the sight of a full-bellied moon greets our eyes. It is mildly coloured like a diamond, its light is subtle yet overflowing. And though it's dark at night, the room somehow gets illuminated by the moonlight's presence. It's enough. It's more than we could ever ask for. Your head tilts to the right and eyes gaze lovingly towards the moon. I look at you and wonder how much you still need to know about our world. ...

Instead of a thumping heart in your chest, there is a dear symphony of calmed quivers. Your heart is the only sound I can hear on a chilly January morning, and it's soft and slow, like a muffled dawn chorus, trilling in the background. I put my ears against your chest, magnetised by this beautiful and heavenly sound. I am gravitated towards it as my eyes force open, whilst it’s still dark and quiet. For your heart is perhaps a sanctuary of ideals, grace and support. It is a home of peace, discipline and righteousness. It is my favourite place in the entire world, to get closer to it, to even get touched by its simplicity. I close my eyes while I listen to your steady breathing, a sign of a beautiful life embodied in you. The colours sneak into the room and I smile. I lift my head to see your face, your peaceful features visible and true. And though in minutes we should be up and awake, I lay beside you, projecting myself into every single second in vivid presence, grat...

Maybe I’ve tried my best to look composed and calm, making sure I was prepared for all questions with definite answers. Maybe I’ve avoided being silent in fear that I’d lose myself in a vulnerable smile that exposes my heart so trustfully and willingly. Maybe I’ve pretended to be confident and structured, just to show you what I’m striving for— the perfection I’m willing to achieve. Yet, you smile. Only that. Your eyes dance with a hope that speaks so much and I can’t help but understand it. You show me how unsure you are about certain things, show me your unanswered questions and unwritten dreams through words you utter so gracefully. Gently, you lay out the lost puzzle pieces of your visions, hoping that I’d intertwine mine with them. With the nods of my head, you can already tell how close we are in our dreams, though far in worldly dimensions. You smile even more deeply, captivating every part of me, each time we grow in touch. And somewhere in between, I become myself...

A period of rampant observation struck me, as I analysed the different human happenings surround us all. I realised that all jovial, successful moments emerged from pain. All note-worthy experiences have birthed from ones that were chaotic and confusing at first. It seems that this is a universal truth. I can see this truth before me, manifested into the universe. The anticipation and darkness of night is followed by a glimmering sunrise, a birth of a child does not happen unless a mother labours in pain, we all learn and grow from mistakes and truly love when challenged and brought to our weaknesses in honest vulnerability. Pain does inflict our hearts, sometimes searingly. It cowers our potentials for a while and makes us so unsure and unstable yet, it transforms us. It transforms the universe as a whole. It brings about a potential for change and reformation— a threshold on which beauty is able to unfold and take shape. This is so beautiful to consider and to even thin...

Your eyes are soft and pacifying, akin to a moon’s glow on a silent winter night, when stars appear and glisten. Your eyes are inscrutable, beautiful, meaningful. Holding much more than words could ever mean or signify. And I look into them, smiling, wondering if you could ever let that gaze go and would happen if you did. For it is an energy, a kind of eclectic gravity that binds our hearts as one. We do not say much. I probably say too much, going around in circles asking about you. But you’re still looking at me, smiling silently, confidently and carefully. And I want much more than this. I did not expect your wildfire to be so tamed and calm. I did not expect your confidence and flattering soul to hide and deeply embed itself into your heart. I didn’t expect you to look at me with such pride, such grace and appreciation. You have somehow turned some things around. Perhaps I’m not as lenient as I think I am. I’m not as reactive as I used to be. I’ve changed to domin...

I apologise for not writing too much lately. I’ve been rather distracted, you know? I have so much going on in my head to the extent that writing down my thoughts gets quite chaotic and I don’t want to share such a disordered array of thoughts because, it’s not meant to prove anything in the end. 2019 is here. It sounds weird, doesn’t it? Plus, it’s another fresh page where I am going to lay out my dreams and ideals freely without constraints of past errors and mistakes. I intend, this year, to be more free. I’ve been needing that a lot lately. I always tend to put myself down with worldly goals and tokens of success when in the end, they don’t matter. Sometimes I get too carried away and take success seriously; doing what it takes to be perfect and what not. However, life means more than just that. Life is the balance acquired in between, and without it, I will be bound to lose something in the end. I know that I’ve been chasing perfection because I want to prove that I c...

What a wonderful, fulfilling year it had been; adorned by growth and enlightenment with every passing day, although scarred by mistakes and little failures. 2018 is perhaps far by one of the most beautiful years of my life, in which I realised all of the goals I had set for myself and learned more about love; a beautiful soulful love that is unconditional and undemanding. I am so blessed so have lived this year. Here are the most beautiful moments of 2018, listed month by month. January Writing letters to a soulmate of mine, in which we discussed fields of dreams and the truth of love. Giving private English lessons, which was a totally new experience. The arrival of spring! I won’t ever forget that day; watching the green leaves sprout delicately and the blossoms rupturing from their calyxes. (31.01.2018) Reading books. Discovering music that evoked the poetry in me. Wonderful weather; rain and clarity. Wandering around Egypt; going to the Pyramids, the museum and c...

The December sun rises almost too briefly. All at once, the warm yellow light embraces the buildings and the world is a little bit more charmed by a subtle glow, the kind that hits my eyes and makes me smile. I tell myself that it’s been so long since I had taken the time to watch the sun. I have missed her dearly. I missed her sense of direction and safety that she always blesses me with. I missed her divergent colours at different angles and times of the day. Against all odds of having not much time, I walk out to the balcony and simply watch the ordinary come to life. I remind myself that I haven’t been gentle with myself lately. I have been a waterfall of who I am, simply flowing and flowing powerfully, taking shape of the whole world as it is forced downwards to reality. I have been desiring change and trying new things out, when perhaps who I am is to settle down and be quite reactive to what surrounds me. Reality is quite challenging, isn’t it? It makes us chang...

November has come to an end this war and per usual, it hadn’t been exactly one of the best in terms of pure, celestial joy thereof. I am a person who values clarity and purity in general and so to experience resistance and struggles is not exactly compatible with who I am. Sometimes, even with struggles, I make it to see the big picture, that one which involves hope and magnificence; yet other times, I’m wretched trying to find out what lessons they behold. In the end, I find out, so there is safety and peace through and through. November’s sky had been blissfully scudding, allowing the sun to pierce through those clouds, dispersing sun rays of wonderfully carved shapes. The wind was also amiable and pleasant and it quite surprised me that there were very little hazy days this November. The weather was clear and the fading greenness was pronounced. It made it more bearable, honestly. I enjoyed my walks around my university campus, the atmosphere inspiring to scurry for id...

It’s extraordinary how we have found each other, like ripples extended out on a pristine ocean. It’s as if our energies have surfaced the world clearly and confidently; with a magnitude so vibrant, it attracted all it could along its field. We stumbled upon each other a very long time ago, dearest, since our eyes met— and since then, we knew there was some sort of connection we couldn’t comprehend, yet was true and vital to our humanity. We were simply meant to be with each other. You are the laughter that brightens up the day for everyone. Through all perils and risks, you stand so confidently, with a smile and a reassurance so loud and courageous, capable of getting through, succeeding and having a beautiful time. The possibilities before you are a source of comfort rather than not, and you are wonderfully able to determine what you want. The freedom empowers you, it gives you the choice and the blessing of using your mind boundlessly. Your mind is an enchanting thing, dear...