a daylight dream

Aren't breakfasts such aesthetic meals? Aren't they healthy too? Well, they should be— but not in my case. I had always been a breakfast person in my childhood; I'd eat a full one at school and on weekends have eggs, toast and a lot of vegetables. This didn't really change until recently when I became more aware of my food choices and how they made me feel. I really do miss just eating for the pleasure of it, since these days, everything I eat affects my body profoundly and I can discern which type of food gave me the bloating or gas or even the daunted mood. So, I decided to stop eating breakfast since it didn't really portray its aesthetic pleasure unto me. I tried countless times to manifest a breakfast to make me feel optimal but to no avail. I tried normal cheese sandwiches, cereal, yoghurt and fruits but they all left me extremely jittery and energetic at first then awfully drained out of energy. I think what works best with me is to have a carrot, so...

It had been a month of balance, I believe and I consider this lavishly beneficial for me. Yes, there were times of abhorrent feelings of helplessness but as I said earlier, they pass. I've been through trials of courage and faith and I did let them shake me a little yet, I turned to God and trusted His judgement. Spring is ceasing since all the delicate flowers are starting to shed with the slowly upping light intensity and it does make me quite sad to know that the world had already experienced its peak of beauty and energy.. I can't wait for next year! There's always a spring to look up to...but let me enjoy my summer first. :) I had learned some lessons this month and the most crucial one is to trust God. Everything connects, everything finds its way only if you are aware of the aspects of your situation.. all emotions and fears are there for a reason and it's rather intriguing to live everyday trying to wonder how they will all intertwine and create th...

Today was a profoundly blissful day, and I can never be more grateful for it. I still feel my chest clenched from the laughter, lips stretched from the exhausted smiles and spirit rising afloat, somewhere in a dimension of unearthliness and peace. Today, I spent a free class with a group of friends and we simply went crazy! We turned on the music and danced, sang and laughed our hearts out and mind me, it was in an empty class in univeristy! It was a bit fearless of us because being caught while twirling around with the rhythm of Coldplay's songs weren't a really good occasion. I realised the magic of music and the way it can bring people together with the alleviation and uplifting spirits. Music is such a glorious language, one that translates emotions in ease, through awe-inspiring lyrics and rhythms. :) I don't recall feeling so happy for more than a year, actually, that's why I feel completely different, like I haven't changed at all. I thought I became more...

I've never been a fearless person since I hated risks, especially things revolved around adventures and new experiences. I would cry before riding a rollercoaster, wait for several minutes before plunging into the cold sea and be afraid of the simplest things that then turn out to be blissful pleasures.But that had changed recently, since I've been craving the exhilaration accompanied by such moments. Last summer, I took every opportunity to be wild; I did somersaults in trampoline jumps, rode frightening rollercoasters and climbed mountains with a mindset forcing me to let things go and feel the moment. Those moments allowed me to feel elated and opened doors for ventures of a soul. But now I've realised, fearlessness does not always have to be revolved around rollercoasters and cliff-jumps. Some days, we will all be in situations that determine us to think independently, value our beliefs and just fearlessly do what's right, even if the whole world is against u...

"17.06.2016 My mind shift is not altruistic enough for this world as its too huge, too soaked up in shame, rust and ignorance. What could I do to change it? I feel this threatening duty imposed on me, to actually reform our world. But how could I do it when I need the reform myself? I'm too bad and needy myself. I feel like I'm slowly disintegrating.. And become a part of this unmerciful society. I want to change a lot. It's so discouraging to live all your life a mere consumer, unable to give back, and too tired of counting the bounties and just not able to repay them. Even when I grow up and seek independence, how will I ever be able to give back? How will I bring justice and enlightenment to those in need? I haven't discovered myself yet, I believe that hitherto, I shall find my cause, but that feels so far away. It's a shame to see that many girls my age had already impacted the world. I feel so small. I learned a lot this year, and a deep scar has been im...

Since I entered university, I realised that my mind is not compatible with business at all, and that my passions are not quite integrated with economical resonances and commercial laws. Seeing our professors with their narrow-minded pedagogical styles, I knew I was here for a reason; a rather minor reason, compared to my own passion. I know that we live in a capitalist world and that any idea I might think to introduce to the society must be marketed, and that's why I'm not so mad to be here, studying accounting and economical rules. I know that what I'm learning could be beneficial in the future. I know that business these days, is directly related to teaching. Yes, I love teaching. I'm afraid of the thought of being a teacher but, it gives me this sweet thrill down my spine. It's hard work, but it's truly amazing to interact with students, give them their all, deal with their problems and merely talk to them. It's an amazing process that invol...

What if you're upset? Like really really upset. Darkness a veil surrounding your heart beats. Each time a muscle contracts and the blood rushes in, it gets inflicted by this greyness, and so it fills you up. What if you're upset for no reason at all? What if it's just your mind that's unable to feel right, while the rest of the world is trying hard to please you? What if you feel like something is wrong and you don't know what to do? You wait, wait and wait. You get better eventually, then it comes again and again and again. You start to lose hope because, it's just you. The sadness is your identity. Those episodes of joy are just fake— it's what you start to believe. What if you stop replying to emails and texts? Lose interest in your passions? Feel detached from everything around you— the world becomes a playlist of mundane occurrences? What if you just stop feeling all together? What if you just want to.. stop it right there? Because you're...

Some days I feel helpless and I wonder why. What I don't know is that, it's okay to be helpless, it's rather natural to feel that way. Some days I forget that I don't have to control the whole world to be happy, things will happen out of the blue, and who am I to feel like it's my fault? We are humans, and we are born to feel helpless, it's only a sign that we have taken our abilities too far. Life wasn't meant to be controlled but to be lived and accepted. So when you feel like there's nothing else you can do to fix things, know that it's enough. Just wait. Work on your mind to accept things with an open heart. Wait for good things to happen, because they always do. Often we forget to trust the universe to teach us important lessons in life; things usually happen for a reason and our meagre mental capabilities cannot see through the future and many infinities to come to assure us. Our souls know differently and in that case, we need to trus...

I'm a fairly resilient person and it rather overwhelmed me back then, because I didn't know who I really was; my identity was lost in betwixt the many people I knew in my life. In a room, I'll shape up according to the people I find there; their attitudes and dispositions, because I don't like conflicting atmospheres. You would find me talking to you about silly matters so feverishly yet inside, I think I'm wasting some valuable time. I don't really believe in horoscopes but, I'm a cancerian, which means my star is a water sign. And to be honest, I'm so much like water. I shape up accordingly to the container I'm being poured into. I could be a river that flows in grace, a current vigorously pumping, an ocean flowing, raindrops pattering or even vapours ascending. Im so versatile and you might not notice it especially if you know me so well. But inside? Well, it confuses me a lot for some days I spend wondering who I really am and whether the th...

I decided to start a series of blog posts called "Dear Journal" that would consist of one journal entry I made on a particular day in the past. I think it would be a good way to reflect upon issues and situations that occurred to me that would eventually lead me to learn from my mistakes, appreciate my efforts and let not time just slip through my fingers without me being aware of each and every happening, whether good or bad, because I've got one life to live and I want to make it one to remember when I'm dead. " 15.06.2016 Hey diary, I don't feel so well, I have no idea where my soulful disposition escaped, but wherever that place is.. It's within someone because I have firmly concluded that I could be defined in a terse phrase which is : resilient. Yeah, I am resilient. I shape up accordingly to circumstance, especially people. This year I've been surrounded by practical ones, not those kindred spirits that allow your soul to ebb on top of yo...