a daylight dream

Hey peeps. The title does not look very indulging but I'm realistically very lethargic all of a sudden. It might be a predictable disposition since I studied a lot last week, but still, I'm not used to this state. However, I'm giving it time for my body and mind to feel okay by itself. I tried shifting from one book to another in order to stimulate my neurones but I'm still lazy and idle. It's not nice to feel that way since I have my midterms next week and I need to study. You know what I've been thinking about? I feel that I'm too ineffective. I mean, what am I doing in my life? I'm literally studying and dreaming. Sometimes I feel so out of course and that one day, I'll wake with grey hair and a weary intellect and I won't have the energy to beautify the enormity around me. I know I'm only eighteen and without fate's interruptions I might live a couple of decades yet. But who knows? What if I die tomorrow? I know I won't be sati...

It's already November, isn't it? Time is flying so fast now, I mean it's even ridiculous to compare it with last year's velocity. It's already Tuesday and in a couple of days I'll be having my midterm exams, wasn't it a few days before that I entered Univeristy in the first place? Wow. Anyway, the weather had been beautiful enough to cheer me up. The clouds are starting to get puffy and picturesque, my personality fog just disappeared and I feel me again. I shall never take contraception pills, and I don't advise anyone to take them either, although it depends how sensitive you are to them, but I already know that I'm overly sensitive and that's a lesson to learn. I've been busy studying, naturally. I don't really go out so much, I don't even have friends to hang out with, but I don't mind at all. Being too sociable actually makes me feel so restrained to agree with everyone, like sometimes I'm ashamed to be myself in fro...

I've heard and read more than a million definitions for life, but I refuse to believe them as definitions while they are merely perceptions; vivid, deep observations of different human minds. Life is beyond us and I think we won't be able to define it accurately for those who experienced what life is not are either unborn or dead, so we will never reach a full picture of what life is, and we cannot therefore compare it with other forms of existence. Back to the point. I was raised to believe that life is hard and that it takes to be strict, firm and non-resilient to be able to live it right. As a girl, I believed it and developed a fear from life, but inside there was always this courage that made me want to prove this perception wrong. I hated the thought of it, I detested waiting for life to be difficult to bear. It gets difficult for everyone, but it does not remain so if you are willing to let the ease surpass its dimensions. Growing up, I saw the ones around me get t...

My parents grew me up to love nature and everything that evolved from it. I was raised in a garden full of daisies, cherry and apple trees, gooseberry shrubs and earthworms. I lived in that little garden, usually pretending I was somewhere else, probably somewhere ethereal or heavenly. I'd pick the daisies and dandelions and put them in my hair, walk my caterpillar toy down the streets. I even remember digging for earthworms and trying to wash them from the dirt, but they ended up draining in the sink. Back then, I didn't know what nature was, but it was a part of me, a part of my memories, my dreams, my childhood. Earth raised me and put a beautiful impact on my identity that I am eternally grateful for. I think I was part of this generation which was raised when Earth was partially stable. There were enough trees, sufficient fuel stores, clear air and water. It's dreadful to think that I'm only eighteen now and I'm witnessing this downfall. The pollution, c...

I've always dreamed of being a sister, an older one, who would boundlessly provide care, fun and allowances and be that kind of jewelled friend that no other friendship can surpass its depth. Although my status of being a sister had been cruelly interrupted and scathed by others mistakes and choices, I must clearly state that I am blessed with a beautiful, smart, soulful sister. She is still 7 years old, but she had already imprinted a beautiful flowery road within my heart that speaks of affection and love. The secret garden So I spend my summers with her, in the deep green fields, spending rainy days painting, playing puzzles and chess, learning new words and watching movies. Needless to say, I even play Barbies with her and it kind of surprises me to feel bored playing with those dolls when they used to pretty much amount to my whole life back when I was young. I cannot deny that playing Barbies had significantly widened my imagination for there were always stories to mak...

So, as I am sitting in the balcony on my "rest" day, gazing at the silk floss tress already blooming with their lilly-like pink and white flowers, and all the calyxes just inspiring the air, I'm bound to be good friends with poetry. I love poetry. Sometimes, I mean to write a song but it ends up being a poem. I'm not so good of course, but poetry is just my mystical, unearthly language to express the conversations I have with nature and my own spirit. Prose is not always very efficient, is it? So, this poem was inspired by a beautiful observation that shall haunt me with its mystery and beauty. Everytime I just think of that day, I fall into a beautiful daydream. It was June twilight and we were driving near the fields and forests, and there was this one piece of land fully covered by yellow dandelions and some purple dainty flowers, the grass was short and there were some trees encompassing the field. What actually haunted me was that soulful mist ascending from...

Oh so it's Autumn already! Indeed the fragrance of the night air has changed immensely, its all spicy and stirred with sights of golden leaves (although we don't get golden leaves in Egypt but still, I have an imagination) and so often now, my dad and I just sit at twilight in the balcony and sniff the navy air indulgently. Some of these moments make life seem so simple and astray from reality.  So as I mentioned earlier, it is a jolly fruity season. We already had dates and their supply is ending soon, but enter pomegranates! Even guavas are starting to peep in all the markets, but they're still small and expensive so we just know it isn't the time yet. So yes, we did buy pomegranates today and I as soon as I came back, I darted to the kitchen to make my beautiful syrup. I remember my grandmother and I used to put newspaper on the floor and just sit down, like really sit down, pull our sleeves and work with the pomegranates. We tap the skin hard enough a...

Don't you think I think too much? I just have many thoughts and I never really channeled them so efficiently, until this blog happened! I'm so grateful I could write and write, God has sincerely blessed me with this ability for I think I'd explode with all of these notions cramming in my mind. :) Alright, I love friendships. Friends are usually very sweet and kind, and I cherish the laughter maybe not more than the tears that could ever occur during the earthly course of friendship. But.. I have a tiny problem here, because I just have high ideals when it comes to people. They need to fit me as closely as possible and understand the deepest positions of my soul. I'm a really eccentric person and I can no longer express myself within my classmates, who usually just laugh at me or never take my words seriously when I tend to be earnest. That's why I push myself away these days. I like people to accept me wholly, and listen to my ramblings, and I do not just share m...

I used to read the word "self-care" and automatically feel traumatised by it. I felt that excruciatingly deep pain within my body that echoed loudly with every tribulation. I know I wasn't doing anything for my body or my soul, either. When I read those self-love rituals or whatever on the Internet, those disheartening articles that included things like take bubble baths, eat chocolate, drink coffee, do what you love.. and the list goes on and on. Well, I kept reading those things until I felt I didn't fit anymore, I wasn't doing any of those things, did that mean I hated my body? Deep down, I knew I wanted to love my body. I wanted to build a genuinely real and respectful bond with my soul and physique. That road was full of trials, I tried staying in and having warm bubbly baths, drinking coffee and applying lotion on my skin but I didn't actually feel good at all. I loathed myself even more. I felt like I was being deceitful, because my idea of self...

My sanctuary. By health, I mean mental and physical health, which are both crucial. I know that hospitals and medical centres are usually a sign of physical treatment centres. However, I believe that mind and soul are related to the mechanical body by a sort of ethereal connection, magically seen as a string of sparkling magic between two wands. As both grow further apart, the string becomes more feeble and fragile until it is finally extinguished, both ends eventually lose the marvel of having had such a connection. Sour apples :) So earthly matters first, and I mean by this, my body which is existent on Earth only -for the time being ;)-. I am overjoyed to say that I'm healing in a way or another. For once, I don't feel stressed, which means loads less of adrenaline and cortisol around my cells. I feel more lose, more energetically-balanced. Also, my hair is stronger now, I'm astonished by the way my hair doesn't actually go in weird directions when I put it...