Torpidity.

Hey peeps. The title does not look very indulging but I'm realistically very lethargic all of a sudden. It might be a predictable disposition since I studied a lot last week, but still, I'm not used to this state. However, I'm giving it time for my body and mind to feel okay by itself. I tried shifting from one book to another in order to stimulate my neurones but I'm still lazy and idle. It's not nice to feel that way since I have my midterms next week and I need to study.

You know what I've been thinking about? I feel that I'm too ineffective. I mean, what am I doing in my life? I'm literally studying and dreaming. Sometimes I feel so out of course and that one day, I'll wake with grey hair and a weary intellect and I won't have the energy to beautify the enormity around me. I know I'm only eighteen and without fate's interruptions I might live a couple of decades yet. But who knows? What if I die tomorrow? I know I won't be satisfied. I'll die in sorrow. I didn't even benefit the world in anyway possible. So how do I solve that?

Being busy because of my studies kind of helped me ignore that sensation, but I think I was tormented by my haunting conscience that made me want to finally be a human being. Help the world. Impact others. Freaking give back in any way possible. But here I am, spilling out my thoughts haphazardly. What do I do?

Since I think too much and feel accordingly, I'll try and develop those thoughts. During my Economic Resources lectures, I usually have a lot of ideologies storming in my mind and it makes me want to have a conversation with my professor with everyone watching, but of course I can't do that. So, instead of keeping it all inside, I will write papers. Yes, papers. I'll research and write whatever comes into my mind even if it's half a page long. But at least, I could one day gather my findings and discover something remarkable that might benefit the world, right?

Yeah, so I'm literally writing a paper about Egypt's situation in the world's economy, since we had covered capitalism and globalisation intensively, and they're the most relishing topics to think about. So I'll try to deeply write up all what I see around me, maybe it's been written before and every single person is knowledgeable about it but, I want to do something. Maybe today's something will grow to be a futuristic something, and futures are always optimistic, dreamy things for me. I hate to watch these dreams rust and get addled. I want them to come true.

So, that was such a rant. But I feel better, not even lethargic anymore. *writing making magic, again.* Can I go finish my paper now?

Soraya.