A Week of Summer.

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I am currently writing this blog post while listening to some birds roaming around the balcony and screeching. I have my first coffee in a week beside me, trying to give myself a boost for this weekend's run. Everyone is asleep while I take pride in having woken up early in the morning, just to have some quality time for myself, which I do not spend doing something lavish as just some 'alone' time is adequately rejuvenating. 

This week had fled so fast and it's rather saddening to feel those days pass so quickly. But man, I have enjoyed every single day immensely. I am still trying to develop myself some kind for routine to give myself a structure (especially meal times, I believe they are cardinal) but nevertheless, it was rather nice to just idle around in parks, swing like a ten-year-old, sing and dance away the afternoon, cook some delicious meals (not particularly extremely healthy but well, that's okay) and capture some mind-blowing pictures of the clouds. The weather is so beautiful, especially the colossal clouds that add this enrapturing element to the scene of laughter and pleasure. 


We have some travel plans and I cannot be more thrilled because I am craving adventure. I do not know what has happened to me, actually, because this statement comes from a girl who detested leaving the house and taking risks. But I honour this change, because it's therapeutic. I love feeling my brain light up with excitement and vigour as I take on a new challenge or go on a long hike, watch the greenery and just visualise myself soaking up every single moment within my soul, purifying and calming it to some sort of a deep crystalline blue shade, in which I thrive in.

 It is rather peculiar for me not to have any room in my mind to actually imagine, because I am currently living the dream, living the feeling I had longed for these past 9 months. I must admit that the comfort and genuine joy is rather overwhelming and sometimes, it's formidable to believe that I actually deserve it. At those moments when my sister gifts me with a warming gaze or a loving smile, I think to myself "Do I deserve this?" and I can even hear myself saying "No". But it's time for me to push away those negative thoughts aside and have faith in myself. I am not the problem for all of my struggles. I am only a reaction- my whole life is a reaction to the twists of fate and I really do want to be a magical reaction though it's an inexorable process at times. But hey, I am grateful. I am grateful that I am at least still alive, still allowing my mind to feel the beauty in this world despite of all the abhorrent situations I was put in. 

I am not the problem. I am not the reason why bad things are happening to me and I am not being punished. This is what I am trying to affirm myself with, and you know what? It's actually working.

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