intentions of 2025: a foundational year.

hello, 2025. I welcome you in my arms, receiving your brand new beginning where I can rewrite the story of my life path. here I am, a woman in so much need of something so terribly new so that I can forget everything about my past and start as someone new. yes, someone new. that is not a typo. there’s so much we need to change around here and I am onto it, make little baby steps as we slide into this year’s seasons. despite all that is there to change, I am grateful that the gift of visualising the year and crafting new intentions is not one of the things on my list. that could stay, along with creating vision boards for all of the beautiful dreams floating in the landscape of my heartful desires.

I wish you could see my vision board. it involves a splash of watercolours, piano melodies, the dream of raising a kitten and starting my journey in gardening. also, a travelling spree to where there is a calling sea and perhaps, an umrah. my dreams are nascent, but their vibe are preparing me for a soulful change. exchanging those prolonged hours of home into ones where those hands have some magic to spin into creation. 

as I am writing this, I envisioned my inner child. this is a paragraph I have not thought of writing, but here it goes. I saw my little self dreaming of a beautiful, stable home. she envisioned all those blissful, cloudy skies, making reality so sweet and so spell-binding for everyone else. as a child, I used to dream of taking friends to the clouds, where we could be close to heaven. that kind of daydreaming coaxed me into a lifetime to committing to trying to make everything around me beautiful and making everyone believe that dreams do come true. 

one more memory i’d like to make sacred is how I revered warm, cozy-coated memories where people gathered around in love, devouring the romanticised version of reality. this is what I want my foundational year to be like. a year where I romanticise my change in self and become the person my inner child would have loved to be around. 

why do I call 2025 a foundational year? 2024 was all about sabotaging the matrix and being crushed by the pain of deprogramming myself. it was all about watching the ruins and glitches in reality, watching myself feel so lost and confused in this new world where people are people and life is boring, mundane and normal. magic doesn’t follow everywhere I go. it’s just all different. but, after a little more than a year of learning and observing all the lessons, I hope to create foundations upon what has been broken down. there is so much newness in my life now: a new family, a new country, people, surroundings, hobbies. everything. I intend to create foundations for my new life and womanhood and pray life takes me from here to that heavenly there.

a vivid picture forms itself before my eyes: a family watching the mountains at sunset, a film camera, a cat purring preciously and a soaring silence hearts just float into.

harmony, peace and acceptance

I intend to hold myself in softness, and perhaps I have learned so much about that and life did teach me the hard way. I intend to live life with more acceptance, harmony and peace. I am truly done fighting and resisting reality, either escaping or resisting it. I pray that long gone are the days that I spend in my room, wasting the hours instead of being where I should just because I can’t accept life being boring or mundane, always chasing miracles and the divine. acceptance is a doorway to gratitude I never had to recognise, for it was the other way for me. I’d escape to an idealised fantasy for relief and it’s different now. I need to accept that the here and now is my ideal fantasy. I have everything I have always dreamed of. the pine cones everywhere I go, a home I love, a heart I call home and trees to befriend. what’s more to dream of? now, there’s living this reality and accepting its every shade of light. that’s love.

I believe with all my heart that the first step towards change is understanding and acceptance of the burdensome memories. and I deeply want to change and allow those memories to above me by a golden invisible string that no longer chains me to its vast impact and heaviness. I pray 2025 teaches me to surrender with a smile.

 

humbleness

in order to be the person I am now, I must say that I strayed away from humble. my very goal was to be unique and special in everyone’s eyes. in this era, I do not need that anymore. in fact, in order to be the person I have always dreamed of, I need to be lovingly humble and small. I’m no longer the best teacher on Earth nor the most creative person in the room. I’m just.. a person. I believe that after the fire of the past year died, I won’t need to be identified with the struggles of my childhood. with every new memory being made and brought to life, my heart erases its need to long for the melancholy of what used to be and is more invested in the sweetness of this humbleness of being a human being who feels ordinarily alive. 

the divine extraordinary is for sure wonderful, but the ordinary is what will take us there. nothing is that remarkable but in hindsight. looking at my camera roll, I can see that the most beautiful days were ones I simply let go of my self-image in that stealthily conscious way and embraced the momentarily loving gift that is life. and it happens out of nowhere, without having to plan for it. we just show up to most things in life and hope we see those moments as what we need.

this ordinariness takes me to my next point which I think is a challenge, but I pray that 2025 takes me there.

embracing experiences

with ordinariness, I believe I would be more able to embrace life and let it in. this year, I was too arrogant to say yes to simple and unplanned days. I escaped and resisted and fought them back, resorting to the stubborn perfection of my bed and tears, a mindspace that can never go wrong with absolute control, hand-in-hand with silence. with such stealth, I said no to most things that could have made me happy: piano lessons, trainings and random walks with my husband. I’d say no and crawl to my bed, gulp a few sleeping pills down and doze off till the next twenty-four hours of the same cycle.

the only experiences I said yes to were the ones I was in control of. and the simplest mishaps would drive me insane and keep me locked up in the room, frustrated that I could not make things better.

and now, I want to say yes more to life. I want to watch more of this endearing sky, touch more trees than I could count, meet people who don’t necessarily have to be friends. I want to listen to stories and try new things, to regain some of this spark that I’ve lost. I hope my dreams on that vision board come true somehow and when it comes to dreaming, I have great faith in all things, for it is the only thing life has never failed me in. and so, it is the only thing I can do— dream on, and those first few days of the year are made for this.

a caregiving path

and now comes personal evolution. that past year, I tried to stop my longing and need for being a caregiver but unfortunately I was unable to get it out of my system. I’ve been a teacher for too long not to rely on caring for others to feel alive. I’ve come to accept that by accepting this part of me, I could grow into a whole version of who I am, instead of trying to fight it. alas, my heart was made to be a giver, to create memories and give gifts to receiving hearts. I have messed up for some time now: I have hurt people who didn't deserve my harsh hurt, but I am willing to try again and give my heart another chance. 

therefore, I must stop trying to isolate and deprive myself from the very thing I can do best in this lifetime and it is to take care of people. to commence this journey once more, I have intended to compensate my shorter working hours with the possibility of adopting a kitten and caring for it. I believe it would melt my heart and fill it with so much sacredness and light. I know kittens are not the same as humans, but it is a baby step towards something greater— which is being a mother.

motherhood is a bigger step, so perhaps I could leave it for some time until the vision and intention is clearer, but the dream of being a mother indeed feels too good to be true. I close my eyes and see myself playing in a garden with a little one, music in the background and laughter filling the air with the miracle of love. I know this experience was made for me, and despite my gnawing fears of not being good enough, I know that it is what will truly make me grow. I have lived my whole life to help others feel better, to see them through and walk them towards their dreams— then let them go.

I am grateful that I have an opportunity now to be a positive psychology coach and perhaps next summer, I might make plans to become a parenting and family coach to learn more about how to build a helathy family. doing that, I would undo every difficult experience I have ever been through and that would be ever so healing..

and I cannot wait for my heart to be broken like this. in expansive love.

a mindful heart

another way I would like to change is by lessening the weight of my heart’s direction when navigating life. the compass of one’s heart is precious, but I must say I’ve been too extreme, waiting for the needle to point to where I should go without taking a step outside the confines of where I am. I no longer want my heart to reign every little detail and wait for some feeling to decide for me, especially that my emotions are not that mature nowadays.

in this era of my life, I intend to use my mind more often when making decisions— meaning; taking into consideration the logical, mindful steps that might feel difficult in the beginning, but eventually lead me to where my feelings go. I am taking my time getting used to the fact that change is heavy on one’s heart and is an ordeal until one gets used to it. the intention to stretch oneself and expand my perspective often leaves me quite exhausted, not wanting more of it in a while. yet, I can see now that I need to use my mind more often and convince myself that the discomfort is essential for growth, and coax my heart into surrendering a little and letting its reign go.

that requires a total change of self. for a person who has decided upon intuition and emotion for all her life, it is a new world to use one’s logic. for this, I bought myself a beautiful journal to build awareness and calm myself down, reminding myself of the process and steps needed to do something new, coating myself in forgiveness for the sacrifice of my comfort zone. I currently have 2-3 sessions of journalling where I dump everything: fears, hopes, frustrations and anger. another thing i’d like to add is reminding myself of the process, without fixating on the discomfort alone.

I can’t wait to meet that version of myself. I believe it would make me more balanced, and less extreme.

renewing my relationship with God

something I’ve lost in 2024 is my relationship with God. any form of worship used to destroy me on the inside, leaving me with so much guilt and fear of closeness to the point that I stopped the acts of worship I was used to do. my prayers became shorter as well as my moments alone contemplating His mercy. perhaps my anger was a veil I could not get rid of, as I was so frustrated about how I was left like this, almost abandoned in my journey of reclaiming the life of my dreams. I didn’t know what love was, nor did I know how to give to myself.

I still cannot envision how I can improve and work on my relationship with God, but I am sure it requires a change of self, surrendering my ways and see life in an entirely different way. as I make new changes that feel right for me, I will probably start to feel closer to heavenly spheres, beginning my path of creating heaven on Earth. but still, I do not know where to start and if the journey is identical to the destination, then I must give more love to everything and everyone around me, for this is the person I’d love to be when I meet Him when it’s time.

something I know for sure that our relationship with God does not amount to the things we do but how we feel doing them. for I’ve spent so much time trying hard to do more to be closer, but it only left me empty and drained, not finding Him in anything. but how can one see God when we don’t see our own hearts? when His presence is not pulsating, not palpable, a foreign presence that we try to give attributions to. thus, I am taking my time, doing what I can but not forcing things into being. I know that one intimate prayer is worth so much more than unconscious hours outside the borders of His kingdom of light.

there, these are my intentions of 2025. I have a good feeling about this year and I am sure alongside my loved ones, life will be built quite beautifully, akin to the one I have always dreamed of, one that touches the strings of my soul and makes me sleep soundly, knowing I have done my best to give back the radiant blessings life has gifted me.

I pray the same for anyone reading this, too. :’)