a daylight dream

The world surrounding us frequently nips safety away from us; we constantly fear getting fired from our jobs, not sustaining our lifestyle, getting bad grades at school or even get mocked by others for our views and opinions. These cues shatter our sense of safety, making us afraid, in perpetual worry and doubt of what tomorrow will bring. Personally, I’ve been raised to fear life. I’d always hear advice like: “prepare for the bad days”, “expect the worst”, “life is hard” , etc. I’m not saying that those pieces of advice are irrelevant— no, they reflect truth in miscellaneous ways, only the fact that they instil so much fear is what I don’t agree upon. In retrospect, I wonder about the root cause of my anxiety and think: is it because my mind is unconsciously befuddled with this fear? Though it’s substantially better, I do often fall into lapses of being scared from growing up, becoming an adult and having to face such ridiculous situations and be traumatised by them, like the...

You tell me I grit my teeth while I sleep and often clutch at the skin of my arms unconsciously, murmur inaudibly in my dreams some time after midnight, just before the dawn breaks in the short summer nights. You tell me I must be dreaming of bemusing things; ones that add up to the list of questions already bustling in my head. I wake up unknowing of the events of my night, but you’re a patient evening-listener, unwilling to sleep as you organise your erratic thoughts and pay attention to the voices in your head. The distance between us is measured in the appreciated proximity that allows us to part in distinct parts of the day, wandering purposefully in our dreams and inner universes. It’s often quite ironic how at the same time, we could be miles away yet intimately close in the instinctive pleasure our thoughts of each other bring. We are companions of soul, understanding the fluctuations in our dispositions; ones that we had spent so much time paying attention to, ...

Since the beginning of the second semester, I’ve been involved more and more at work, letting it take up most of my time in proportion to my university courses. Of course, it’s beneficial and an impacting experience that revealed a lot in terms of who I am and what I’d like to end up in the future. I won’t say that I will surely become a teacher but, the idea is highly appealing now. In the past, I thought teaching was such a mediocre career that would never water my thirst for ambition and greatness. It’s true that teaching can become a sedentary job, but it doesn’t have to be. The past few months proved to me how much eye-opening it can be designed to be. Teaching is not about being a teacher, because if we really thought about it so stereotypically, it would become “spoon-feeding”, basically. The authority teachers have in the classroom sometimes allows them to forget the purpose of what they’re doing, and we humans are inclined to put ourselves in control. But this isn...

I love it when people dream a little bit too fearlessly; want some unattainable yet possible things in their lives, to outstretch their little hearts and break the bounds of the confined horizons they create for themselves. I love it when they dream to travel the world, enroll in a university when they turn forty years old, move out to a brand new city or build a home all on their own. I love it when people choose to support each other against the uneven odds. Even if this support is only based upon a smile or a mutual act of respect, but it still inspires this bliss in one’s soul to keep going. I love it when people decide to listen to each other’s dreams and give applause on how relevant they are, even if they could come across as irrational. Often times, those sweet words mean the world; they allow us to move forward even for just one little baby step with a confidence we might never be able to sprout all alone. I love it when people decide to love each other even if ...

I remember that day you were born, I was only eleven at that time yet I remember not being able to sleep the night, thinking of how peculiar it was to have a sister.  A real sister. Your beautiful smile. :') As a kid, I was quite lonely and barely had anyone to spend my time with. That’s why I wished for you and kept dreaming of your presence on the bus rides to school or even through the sessions of doll-playing, pretending I had a companion who would be able to finish off my sentences and add new ones, to keep the imaginary conversations going. And there you came and I cannot describe how joyful that year was. You cried a lot, put my mother into frustration countless times but, I enjoyed hearing your laughs and watching you smile on the bed as soon as you would wake up. I remember those weekend mornings being so beautifully simple, involving minutes spent listening to music, sharing the foam from my cup of coffee with you and urging you to sing and dance along my aw...

I had a premonition that March would be a sweet and congenial month, but it didn’t prove to be so, or not as directly. It had been beautiful nevertheless, just like all months are. The first three weeks of March were rather confusing and intimidating. I’ve had this belief that everything would turn out fine in the future but all of a sudden, due to spending time with adults and hearing to their complaints and negativity, it kind of pinned me down to the reality of the world. Other than that, I felt so small in terms of realising my dreams and it all made no sense for some reason. My dreams of inspiring people and helping them to become their best versions were bombarded and reduced by how things are at the moment. So many things aren’t being run effectively and efficiently, hindering space for growth, creativity and fruitful implementation. Those cues, because I’m a little bit sensitive, affected me. However, I didn’t give in to those negative thoughts becaus...

Since it’s March and evidently spring, we awake to a sky adorned with an inscrutable peachy hue hanging round the circumference of the east. Our eyes are not used to being greeted with a light so soft and apparent; habituated to the winter morning darkness, still so hopeful, though. It’s not so cold for me to sprint to the balcony and watch the faint clouds take shape in spite of the dry eastern winds, that dissipate the clouds if they ever form, casting a veil of uncertain whiteness as the morning ages. I watch the hue become more prominent, till the sun peeks through the buildings, it’s shine radiant and smile-inducing. I think about how well we adapted to winter, how well we appreciated the barren tree branches and the greyish tinge in those old dehydrated leaves. How we spent the shiny afternoons finding solace in the sunlight, exposing our faces to feel the warmth and let it filtrate the worries and evaporate what’s trivial and cunningly unnecessary. We did our...

One does feel lost sometimes— overwhelm strikes in, toppling foundations you might have spent so much dreams on building. It raises questions that keep you searching for answers— answers that oppose all what you used to believe in before. However, one should not lose everything at such temporary moments. One should not lose the faith that everything will be alright and that one will eventually attain balance and fulfilment. Those eerie questions are only there to spark up the mystery of our world and our society. Those questions are rephrased to signify: “ who are we? ” In those questions, we don’t know what we want in life. We are uncertain where our paths may lead us, whether we took the correct decisions, if we are where we are supposed to be. They’re immensely challenging to answer— are there even any answers? It all depends on your faith in what’s ahead. If you trust the world well enough, you’ll sleep knowing that you need not know the answers at all but allow...

I’ve been melting into my words, Listen to them, They’ll remind you of me. Finally it’s not so hard to speak, But I stay silent, In those memories. For words of humans they’ll drown us both, Taking us down by gravity. I’ll learn to ascend, Against uneven odds, The extraordinary snippets of our dreams. The wings soaring across the sky, Have been lead by passion for so long. What does happen, I don’t know, When hearts decide to give up, To let go, When the sun bickers the atmosphere, Taunting us till we melt away, You’ll see my words, In the puddles we make. Directions bemuse me, For I’m involved in an emotion, Sparking every aspect in its way. Some day we will find, The place where birds crawl, Into their nests, We will be like them, Insomniac birds, For they watch the moonlight, While the whole world sleeps, Their reality is inherently a daydream, They need not rest Nor close their eyes, For time could be wa...

I’ve mentioned before how I thought trimming the flowers of happiness is an essential way to sustain it, to avoid its overgrowth, prevent it from blinding our perception from seeing things as they really are— in both darkness and magic. Now, having given it so much thought, I believe it’s cardinal to trim the rays of  ambition , at least personally. I think that we all live in some sort of bubble that encompasses our lives— the circumstances, treasured values, problems and priorities. This bubble shields us from the outside world yet can easily burst to allow changes to set in. In some ways, it defines who we are in the tangible aspects of our everyday life so we choose to keep floating within it wherever we are. For a long time, I was quite opposed to the fact that I had to live in a bubble. I wanted to rebel and burst what was confining me; change my life, seek ultimate levels of independence and let new things in. I think it was quite normal to feel that way, es...