What's Special About Us.
I remember that day you were born, I was only eleven at that time yet I remember not being able to sleep the night, thinking of how peculiar it was to have a sister. A real sister.
Your beautiful smile. :')
And there you came and I cannot describe how joyful that year was. You cried a lot, put my mother into frustration countless times but, I enjoyed hearing your laughs and watching you smile on the bed as soon as you would wake up. I remember those weekend mornings being so beautifully simple, involving minutes spent listening to music, sharing the foam from my cup of coffee with you and urging you to sing and dance along my awful eleven-year-old music tastes.
But they are memories I cannot forget.
We both know you're an ice-cream monster. :)
Still, God took you away from me on a dreaded August day and I remember hiding in the bathroom heaving uncontrollably thinking I would never see you again. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I remember believing that I would never get to look in your eyes again or watch that single curl in your hair transform into the golden locks you now have.
It was formidable to accept it. I believed I was being punished by life. So young and naive, I didn’t know how to deal with this sudden loss and loneliness, especially after I had been so genuinely enraptured with your presence.
But, four years passed and I got to see you again. I remember our first reunion — you were only four — hiding behind my mother, shying away with your beautiful smile. Seeing you in the airport, I couldn’t believe it was real. You were so beautiful. We spent the ride home naming cows and sheep wandering on the fields, I’d place my fingers playfully and slide them away just before you’d catch them.
And each year now, I see you grow. You’re becoming so confident, wild, crazy and full of inextinguishable passion. You do things I was never courageous enough to do as a kid— you can love. You can climb up on me while we lay on the sofa and give me the warmest kisses out of nowhere, something I could have never thought of.
And you’re teaching me this bravery. I apologise for being a little bit too distant and unloving sometimes, but I know you’ll understand one day. I remember that once I ran away from your room because you wanted to cuddle me while you slept and my strong insecurity didn’t allow myself to accept it. I didn’t do it on purpose, but please know that my heart needed deep healing.. I was on that journey. I’m sorry if you were ever scathed.
You and your dream cat.
But I’m better now, dear sister. I’m working passionately every day to be fearlessly in love. I can’t wait to see you again, to hug you so willingly and give you all the kisses you need. I assume you need them, because you miss me too. And I’ll reach that point, and you won’t ever remember I was distant before.
I cherish our one-of-a-kind relationship. I treasure the hours we spend dancing, listening to music, writing words, discussing earth and animals, pretending to be magical creatures in the secret garden and those days we spent just feeding the ducks in the park. The ice creams we used to buy and occasionally fight over. You screaming as I untangle your hair after your baths. Me listening to your made-up dreams from the night before involving monsters and unicorns. You eating plates of rice that you only enjoy from my own cooking.
I love you dearest. I prioritise you over so many things and I know, somewhere deep, that we will reunite. I even know that I’ll have to sacrifice my life here and head to you, to be with you while you grow, to support and perhaps give you some guidance, but never control who you are. I promise I’ll be there, and even build that little farm we dream about.
I’m grateful for the distance, perhaps it’s why it is so special.
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