a daylight dream

Sometimes it’s formidable to know the difference between dreams and what’s real, sometimes you wake up wishing that what had happened the day before was only a nightmare; a darkened hole in which time escaped and took us down with it. Yet, we still wake, with our hearts heavy, chests stoned with heaves locked and anxieties bustling the silence of what we cannot hear. Because last night was rough; my head was full of erratic thoughts and fears— being solemnly scared that I would never solve the heap of troubles brought to my table, because it was too much. Too much for the conflict in my mind to balance out reality and what’s unearthly— and I keep promising to remain as hopeful and natural as ever, never allowing for negativity to precipitate and accumulate within, never allowing it to  define  me. But on nights like those, it’s a step way from giving in. Closing the doors of bliss, irrational affirmations come sweeping down the trees swaying in my mind te...

I just realised the importance of taking our time to recognise our problems and the sources of weaknesses. Too often, we get caught up in the vicious cycle of feeling awful, exhausted and alone, not knowing how to escape from those intuitive messages, not knowing how to numb them for good. We try to amend things by complaining, filling the void with negativity and inexistent solutions. We keep chasing our tails thinking that those kind of troubles are foreordained; yet listening to others’ complaints and sad stories, almost believing that it’s normal to live in pain and malaise. But that’s not true . I don’t think we exist to hate our lives; to spend our days waiting for it to be over— that pain, loneliness, lack of purpose. It gets to the point when we feel as if we are just getting carried away by the routines, recurring problems and toxicity tailing us wherever we go. However, how many of us do actually spend sometime totally enclosed in one’s self; just to assess t...

As the darkness pulls over me like a quiet revealing sheet of a different shade of light, I lay in my bed, watching the car lights dancing on the wall, seeing everything in a dim kind of black, and suddenly, the things that meant so much just a couple of hours ago fade into nothingness. At night, there’s a freedom outstretched to the boundaries of the self and its imagination. There’s always this self-talk a little bit empowering, but quickly enough wavers to bring about some worry of what life could bring, it also reviews the different events of the day, rummaging for mistakes and sources of guilt, calling for more and more reformation, because good is never enough. Sometimes at night, I fear God. Although He is always in my heart as a source of comfort but, at times, I feel so small in this world and so unready to die for some reason. I’ve had so many chances to help others, did I fulfil them all? Did anyone ever feel dissatisfied by the value I had presented? Did I ever...

All year she waits, For rain, Starved grasses, Yellow-green stains on skin, Patting palms against, Them. Six months away, From winter, A summer mild, But hindered, Spirits to soar, As the greens turned to life. She takes the plane and flees, There are no birds, Over here. Only clouds topple over each other, Tinted in blues, Overwhelmed by purples, Too condensed and pure, Even colours aren’t sure, Who they shall be, As evenings take them away. She pats her palms, On windows not to open, Frost on the outside, Diffusing to her bone, But summer dreams, Across, they nip her away. You taught me songs, To hear and listen, Their melodies subtle, Emotions riddles, Like prayers in the dawn, Faint lines after storms. She shall see her one true lover, A decade younger, A spirit-wonder, She shall clutch her hand, Twirl around the floor. They’re singing all the songs, That you have taught. The lover’s eyelids ...

It’s only February, but I’ve got some enrapturing and heart-warming news to reveal: spring is coming, speeding towards this part of the Earth so swiftly, taking multiple steps at a time and I’m here with my arms spread wide, embracing it with all my might and love. If you had read this blog last year, you would have known I love spring, and I consider it my friend more than anything else. In spring, I wouldn’t mind being alone every single day for the world is showing me things every measurable moment, little changes that speak so much, in terms of fresh colours and clairvoyance spreading out in the horizons. The last few years, I’d ridiculously wait the whole winter in malaise, just wishing for spring— longing for that different shade of green, the mild sunlight, flowers blossoming and birds waking me up in the morning. However, it’s been really different this year and I’m rather in awe of how everything turned out. In retrospect, I have lived this winter in beautiful a...

I’ve always been “me” on this blog. Always have disseminated my inner world so confidently and boundlessly, but I was determined that there were some aspects of my identity I needed to reform, not exactly change, but to balance and make peace with. This time, I’m the “me” I’ve always dreamed of; almost the ideal version of who I want to be, though I need to work on so many achievements and accomplishments, and I don’t think I’ll ever reach that state of being completely fine with the present version of who I am, but finally after a long time, it seems that I’m on the right track. I haven’t got it all figured out, it would be ridiculous and narrow-minded to admit that. Yet, everyday is a step closer towards the mindful and positive life I’ve always wanted to lead. There are many slips and mistakes, but I’ve grown to become more forgiving and accepting— it’s never the end of the world. It’s just a bad day. Just a feeling that would fade as soon as the morning of the next d...

I woke up with a jolt on one immensely treasured mid-February morning, but with a rather peculiar feeling, not to feel the morning come to life with action and light. The room was dark, and I could see nothing but the shadows of the curtains on the moon-lit walls. Since it was February, it was profoundly easier to get up from the bed after a deep sleep, since the cold didn’t capture the senses of my skin, caging it betwixt the rattling effects of goosebumps and the chills running down my spine. Spring was coming, and with it comfort and unobscured visions. I was quite thrilled to wake up that morning and was astounded not to rise without the alarm I set the evening before. Heading to check what time it was, I realised it was 3 am, a bit too early. Confused, I opened the balcony and found the atmosphere totally invisible by a creeping fog; dense and saturated with vapour, engulfing the street and star lights. A smile slowly slid on my face, feeling grateful for waking up so...

There is nothing more fascinating than the sound of footsteps on a staircase leading me home, a place which is drowned in sunlight and silence; and even the buzzing sound of the refrigerator is a welcoming greeting, a place to create more memories for the day; to end it and start it simultaneously, in harmony, grace and gratitude. I don’t mind a small space and crammed belongings, not when they are organised in a way where I can find what I want to, not when there is an abundance of sunshine and light that passes through windows always open, with blinds pulled to the sides, even in the evenings so that I could spend the hours before I sleep in veneration, watching the shadows flicker on the walls. Not only this, but to wake knowing that it’s day, discerning when to open my eyes so wide, and when to shut them again, reconnecting with dreams scheduled for the night. There is nothing more beautiful than the fragrance of a home; spices of recently baked goodies involving cin...

The year starts off as it ages, which is very illuminating and full of empty spaces. I recall that I used to dread the vacancy January inspired; empty pages of a new book waiting to be filled. However, I didn’t let that disgruntle me this time, even with the mornings that I sensed were rather melancholic, rejecting the magic of sunrises. I’d wake expecting a sky full of charm and colours— but slowly retreat in disappointment, being greeted by fogs, nipped sunrises and prevailing morning mists. But I don’t mind, I’m still a patient lover for mornings, even if January decides to inflict the atmosphere with southern winds that carry the dust, intoxicating the horizons. I know that soon, really soon, the grasses shall burst with yellow buds of dandelions, and I shall soar with hopes of spring and warmth to come. February is coming, a-coming. I haven’t been productive this month, or not as I wanted to be. But I’ve spent many nights in the living room, spending awkward silen...

In your arms I am, Within a cosmos, Horizons unfolding, Infinite folds at a time. Glances exchanged, Trilling of heart beats, Quivering smiles, Of unspoken dreams. I utter an opener, To a torrent of words, They are made clear, By the silenced air, And you, Listening to them. An explosion of emotions, Unreal and ferocious, Heart over mind, Control, I lose. I thought I knew myself, Yet selves perhaps change, Intertwined by eyes, Glazed in browns, Glistening with the inscrutable. And I love you, Though I cannot speak, I attempt to show, Hidden philosophies, Of unforgotten dreams. Long ago, Heaves stoned my chest, Rest was a quest, Unresolved, Buried ‘neath tunnels of Sorrow. You see it in my eyes, The complexion of my skin, The puzzles of my flaws, Treasures you possess. An open book I am, You read only the title, Impatient you are, For I haven’t written it yet. But there are forces above, Writing what ...