A Reflection: This Winter Vacation.

I’ve always been “me” on this blog. Always have disseminated my inner world so confidently and boundlessly, but I was determined that there were some aspects of my identity I needed to reform, not exactly change, but to balance and make peace with.

This time, I’m the “me” I’ve always dreamed of; almost the ideal version of who I want to be, though I need to work on so many achievements and accomplishments, and I don’t think I’ll ever reach that state of being completely fine with the present version of who I am, but finally after a long time, it seems that I’m on the right track.

I haven’t got it all figured out, it would be ridiculous and narrow-minded to admit that. Yet, everyday is a step closer towards the mindful and positive life I’ve always wanted to lead. There are many slips and mistakes, but I’ve grown to become more forgiving and accepting— it’s never the end of the world. It’s just a bad day. Just a feeling that would fade as soon as the morning of the next day arrives. I’ve come to terms that I don’t have to feel “great” all the time, and I even appreciate those downsides in vehemence and introspection.

I have been very productive and spent most of my time this vacation pondering on things I love and feel very comfortable with; swimming those icy mornings, running in the sunshine and watching the January skies turn so blue that they lapse into purples near the horizon. I cherished those simple moments having delectable oranges, carrots and tomatoes in the balcony, savouring every bite, attaching myself to the moment firmly and in gratitude. There were always naturopathy videos to watch, a few web development lessons to take, conversations to engage in and letters to write. An integral part of this vacation was music; where the nights were beautifully relished through hearing and internalising lyrics so effortlessly, feeling smiles form on the horizons of my cheeks, with eyes closed and conscious awake. I also got back to songwriting once more, as well as so many poems that I’m willing to share. I set an intention to unleash creativity, and it just came to me, which leaves me to drown in inexplicable thankfulness.

Received those beautiful pictures from my beautiful friend. :)

I discovered some beautiful people this vacation, and found yet another soulmate to treasure and confide in. Someone who understands the infinite bounds of time, though quite limiting. But time spent so consciously and purposefully is not time wasted at all, but one laden with resplendent memories. When you find such people so casually, it makes you realise how magical life is. How everything is connected, and things that are formidable don’t always have to be defined that way, at least not all the time. I found fulfilment in being understood and respected— this is what I call having soulmates.

I took some steps towards independence by conversing my father about cardinal issues in our life together. It was the very first time to feel like he could actually trust me, and found that he was willing to, but I needed to help him take that decision. Since then, I’m being greeted with opportunities to expand my potentials and put my dreams and knowledge into action, and I hope I trust the magic outside my comfort zone enough to be the initiative and ask for my rights.

I enjoyed rediscovering Cairo; we walked around the narrow alleys of Khan ElKhalili, visited mosques, strolled in the places so traditional and vivid in culture and accumulated lives of the simple people who have dwelled there. We bought spices, moist dates and souvenirs for my sister when I get to see her (hopefully). I also went to the museum and was enthralled with how fascinating the history of Egypt is, like any civilisation actually. But Egypt felt so close to me all of a sudden, growing in me an attachment that used to waver unexpectedly. I’d love to be a part of the movement to bring that civilisation back, at least just a little, through art and self-expression.

My health had been great, and I started experimenting with more and more things to optimise my function. It does really make a difference, and I can’t wait to discover more and more about human bodies and souls, and transfer this to others so that they could unlock so many potentials ahead of them. We really need this— it’s a cardinal human right to feel safe in our own minds and organisms.

This is a long post, but I don’t think I could ever stop writing. I’m excited for my next semester, to take learning to a new level, connect being a teacher to my purpose, give more presentations and enjoy those little moments with my loved ones and nature. Spring is also almost here, so elusively wandering round the corner, allowing the sunlight to dance youthfully, unleashing warmth and hidden fragrances. This spring will mean so much more, I’m sure.

I also believe that there will be tribulations and problems that I’ll have to face. But I’m hopeful to maintain mindfulness in solving them, and figuring them out. I know that trials are only meant to make us realise things that we are too unintelligent to decipher— only perseverance and patience will help. Only trust.

Only a soul striving to actually discover what’s beautiful, and tell the world its stories.