august: embracing acceptance

golden blues tint the inside of my heart as August rolls by: the trees are painted with a faded kind of green and auburn shades, the winds are cooler in the dark mornings, when the sunlight, in peace, emerges slowly, giving us time to finally realise all this colour and all this summery life is little by little passing by.

I always feel a little melancholic at that time of the year, saying goodbye to many memories and embroidering my soul with new, fresh intentions. it's okay to feel both a little longing and holding on. I am grateful to say that my longing for the newness to come is energising and fulfilling. 

august was all about accepting the ordinariness of life, or at least that was my intention. it was beyond beautiful to hold on to that, since the little moments shined with so much essence. mornings were filled with tears of thankfulness and daily routines were honoured with a delightful presence. I am quite proud of myself for creating more and more habits that light up my day despite its happenings. that was perhaps the most beautiful gem uncovered in august. (:

the enchanting weather

the weather was undoubtfully a masterpiece this month. the air was cold, the clouds were crowning the trees with such an ethereal glow and trascendence. perhaps I was outdoors for so long, but that's because the weather was quite tempting. I adore weather that just lures you into escaping a roof and being out there, relishing the astounding surroundings. it was incredibly therapeutic, healing and calming. I am grateful that my soul filled itself with so much peace just because of this time outdoors.

travelling to alanya, turkey

one of the most remarkable experiences was to travel with my family to alanya in turkey. the experience was quite bewildering and beautiful yet full of discomfort and disappointments due to the low quality of service there. the heat was inexorable and difficult to endure, but we made it somehow through laughter and an adventurous head shake and sigh.

honestly, I realised how much I value and appreciate adventure with all its quirks and mishaps. there is always a comforting presence in being outside of one's comfort zone, away from home. however, I still did find myself longing to be here at home. being thrown away from my routine does agitate me just a little bit, especially if I am not always able to create a new one.

being more social and connected to people

one more thing I'm quite proud of is connecting to people I love more often. I consciously stopped isolating myself and had frequent talks with people who mean a lot to me which yes, made me feel all over the place sometimes, but it was also a win and something to get used to. I still have a long way to go in regards to this, but there is an improvement.

I do envision myself surrounded by people with whom I can reciprocate kindness so willingly. there is this sweetness around being with people: the genuineness of favours, wishes, prayers and smiles, learning from their lives, and all the books they open with their words. 

listening to my body

this month, listening to my body was something I did not do well at the beginning, but then slowly got into the habit of doing. at first, I overexercised my body by exercising a lot which caused my muscles to hurt terribly from exhaustion, as well as my leg veins to swell with pain. also, there was a minor incident of a heat stroke which is quite funny to remember. anyway, after all this, I decided to put more effort into listening to how my body feels and deciding my day's plan accordingly. that meant that I exercised much less, stretched myself with ballet workouts and had to listen to my hunger signals which to this day, elude me. some days, I can go without eating anything decent just because of how unhungry I am. before, I used to eat anyway, but I want to learn to trust my body and gut. I want to learn to trust that when my body tells me something, it means well and I could really do it. weeks into it, it does feel great no matter how unusual and light it feels. but this is what a life led through the inner child is like!

opening my heart

ah, it was beautiful to just open my heart most of the time. receiving love from my family, being more fun, laughing, joking and just sassing around was really new. I was so serious for so long, I guess. it feels liberating to crack this shell and let this mischievous and mysterious part of me show more often. I think my sister was the best candidate to do so with, as well as my friends. I was more comfortable around compliments, new experiences and didn't feel ashamed about being harsh or mean at times whenever I was provoked. it was natural, and I had fun experiencing the whole spectrum of human emotions for a person who tried to either feel black or white most of the time. I feel most of the time, no matter how I'm feeling, fulfilled and grateful, alhamdulilah. it's a gift.

accepting challenges

august also reminded me of an essential truth which is that my world will always be rocked with challenges. whenever I feel I can get to enjoy the stability of a certain phase, I must be certain that it will be tested to create foundations for the person I choose to be. so, in August, I consciously reminded myself of the challenges I might be facing professionally and in my personal life just to be prepared mentally with some resilience and flexibility, which are already two gifts God has bestowed upon my fluid heart. the process was not akin to thinking about everything that could go wrong, it was more like accepting that things will not be easy all the time, and that is okay, but it doesn't mean I need to be at war with myself or with a situation so that it goes away. 

I am trying to cultivate the mindfulness needed to navigate life's motions and to have emotional resources to navigate tension and times of unease. it was truly empowering to remember my strengths and my innate ability to dance with life as I've done since I was young, moving from one mountain to the next. also, I am aware that life will surprise us and test us in unimaginable ways, and I still pray to have the strength for patience as a first response, instead of being disappointed or crushed.

I'll miss you, august. I'll miss singing at the top of my lungs on bicycle rides, hours gazing at the fields and piano melodies synced with the deepest sounds of this world. I'll miss summer, and hopefully, I won't miss what it has left me with.

now here's to september and its newness and freshness!