receiving.

 My friend talked to me about receivership when I asked her for help. She talked to me about an open heart that sees God’s bounty and endless stream of gifts, which He created for us. My eyes watered as I listened to her, wondering how I had forgotten God’s love in my soul.

I can see now my past in clarity. I remember the gifts that landed on my palm when I desperately needed them. Before my worthlessness and insecurity and excessive belief that I’m not good enough for those ideals, God has taken my trembling hands and transformed how the world saw me. I remember that very first day as a teacher on which I stood firmly on the ground, nothing but belief in God in my heart; for alone, I was insufficient to carry out this duty.

It is true that the world in separation of God is small and ugly. But the world lived while holding hands with God is grand and glorious. Tiny moments in which belief transcends our pettiness shine brighter than the sun piercing through the clouds— for what sun is brighter than God’s mercy?

I’ve mistaken again and again and again. I have seen my pettiness and the pettiness of the world without its journeying through Allah’s infinite mercy and grace. Undermining my worth is only true without the light of iman— but what do I have else other than faith?

This continues to be a daylight dream— the faith in the smallest moments of aliveness transformed through the love of God. This universe and this aliveness cannot be separated from Him.

My heart believes. My heart has learned the language of faith and gifts experiencing the pain of my moments of weakness without Him. My heart knows it cannot go on without remembering His hands and His infinite love.

So I smile to you, my Lord, in deep thanks and praying for forgiveness..