welcoming sensitivity.

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Lately, I’ve been feeling a shift within myself. Sudden fierce rejections to certain aspects of day-to-day life, and quite oppositely, sudden and extreme embraces towards ideas I never imagined I’d accept. 


Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m making decisions quite differently— it’s mostly intuitive, mostly based on sensations in my body that I cannot but trust, lest I’d really want to decide upon suffering with inexplicable waves of pain. It’s different, it’s not like me— or maybe it is the whole of me.


Having always been a plant-eating enthusiast, I know that eating plants is a cardinal part of my day. Yet, it’s certainly different now. I cannot eat other foods as tranquilly as I used to. Hot meals— meat, fish, chicken, frozen vegetables and even packed pasta are foods I cannot get myself to ingest anymore.



I’m not saying I like it— sometimes it is quite cumbersome. Yes, I receive a cacophony of inspiration and heavenly sensation with my usual meal of seasonal fruit and fresh vegetables, but something in me shifts when I get myself to eat normal cooked meals. I feel heavy instantly, weighed down, tied, uninspired, lethargic and intellectual. I live in my head to escape my body in the instances after eating the aforementioned standard dinner.


I’m not sure— but something in me knows that I’m heading towards an expansiveness of my role in this life. Perhaps, I’m becoming more and more intuitive. I’m noticing it— how I pick up truths effortlessly, how I can feel the energy of a place when I enter it, how I instantly know what a person feels on the inside, how a knowingness just prevails in me as I let go of control and flow with the eternal presence of the moment.



And with this, my body needs more harmonious vibrations and healing, cleansing energies. To think of all the livestock that is treated with cruelty, being given inorganic foods and fattening supplements— this pains me, and I cannot be eating it. To take in the packed goods that were produced without consideration for labour and earth rights also wrecks my peace. I cannot have any of this in my system.


It’s not only food— it’s information too. There is an intense rejection to books or content that are delivered in an obliterated manner that is profit-seeking and selfish. Same goes with business interactions; for example, in the face of partnering or exchanging benefit with institutions that are too invested in marketing themselves, I feel a sudden “no” that screams wildly. I usually say yes so eagerly, but I cannot say yes to things which are impure now. I cannot partner willingly with systems that are exploitative.



Though it weakens me sometimes, but I’m learning to adapt and honour how I’m changing to serve the world more wholly. It’s thrilling to start to imagine a world where I’m more empowered to accept what is honestly selfless and not allow what is dark to prevail without having the power to engage with it through love. That’s a different kind of life— a life I was made by and for.


The possibilities for healing to serve this world are blossoming into life with so much beauty— I cannot begin to thank, I cannot begin to find words to appreciate.

going with grace in an inscrutable world.

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