Aspiring Elegance.

 

I’m putting on my first socks on the season today. I had expected the cold to arrive rather earlier and knock on the door faintly before flooding in, but it’s alright. It had been welcome for many years now, without the fear or the anxiety that comes dreadfully used to come along with it.

I simply want to reiterate how it feels to see life become a mirror of the weirdest and most bizarre notions that have stuck to my side since the very beginning. I’ve always had nudges towards certain philosophies to stand by and respect, despite them creating such a ruckus in real-life terms. In September, I almost gave up at the amount of criticism I had received from following my philosophy somewhat religiously, even when I was so close to changing my ways and falling into the rabbit hole of complacency.

To be naively illustrative, I always stand for having a considerable level of noise in my classes, reflecting enthusiastic chatter, which may also be off-topic, as long as everyone’s working in tandem to a beautiful learning outcome. I find it really wonderful that my learners are talkative, a little mischievous and even hilarious in my classroom— for they can be who they are while working. Having a classroom like this enlivens and inspires me with authenticity.

I have receive of negative feedback, and even low scores in my “classroom management” column for this reason. Also, I’ve been given advice to be ridiculous with my learners, especially the ones who fret a lot. I never like that. Whenever I do it, I go back to the office with a sinking sensation in my heart that doesn’t stem from sensitivity, but from doing something which doesn’t align to my values.

Just yesterday I was reading one of my favorite books of all time “Human Values in Education”, written a century ago. I read this one paragraph and felt my heart ecstatically beat with wonder at how my spirit was aligned with certain principles that were not considered wrong, but rather familiar to other souls in my field, too. The book was describing similar experiences I go through in my lively class, and describing how teachers abiding to such principles welcome mischief and aliveness for the sake of maintaining a spiritual connection between learners and teachers.

Midst disbelief and incessant urges to simply cry out in awe, I put my phone aside and realised where I find myself in some distant future as an educator. For some time now, my career prospects were haltingly shallow, considering how most schools around me are superficially holistic, when they feed the capitalistic approach of education. I considered research and academia, but that too is not as overwhelmingly captivating. I considered applying for different schools, but it’s still the same. It’s nothing radical that fulfills my being and entices my soul’s capacity to see children develop and experience themselves in all their ways.

Whispering close and low enough to the sounds my heart can hear, I know well enough that I’ll be led toward communities of people that truly revere authentic growth of children. Perhaps now as I write down those little thoughts down articulately, it would be wonderful to deeply reflect upon some of the miracles I see with those children I deal with. I feel perfectly at peace being observant and alert, at apexes of alertness, watching how patterns fall into place so effortlessly in the grand scheme of things.

Still, I can see within those heart-scapes that despite committing to serving people here in Egypt, I’m mostly isolated due to my reclusive and sensitive nature. I feel needed here, but not to the extent that something grows out of my reach and gains superb scale. The miniature scale is beyond my comfort zone, for I find it galvanizing to see perspectives growing dramatically, and have a feeling I won’t be able to make it here, omitting the possibility of working alongside Abuleish’s family, of course.

Regardful, I have noticed that I’m a much better teacher with nature around. As the clouds have approached the atmosphere here, I take my learners whenever I can to the garden in break time and we practise conversations and stillness in simply being in company. The sky-colours are captivating, and I wonder how enchanting it would be if there was a forest around where we could chase mushrooms and herbs, even study little animal colonies hiding in the whereabouts. I long to live in a place where I could study nature fervently, not in little pots alone, but in harmony with the ecosystem as a whole.

For now, I gather bits and pieces of my dream life in my collection of present moments and memories. Poise, charm and eloquence have become my priority lately when it comes to my interactions— it never ceases to inspire and switch on a cursor towards ideals in those little hearts. For now, I observe and experiment until the path gets clearer, and art soaks its imprint into my work a step at a time.

I am wholly sure that I’d one day come across this post and find that it has soaked my life all in time.