Twenty-Three.

Today, I turn twenty-three. It’s rather unbelievable, both to me and others, for it still feels like being ten or eleven at soul. This child-like love for life and being outside in the sun keeps me younger at heart, and no matter what age I am, it chooses me to be a child. I do hope I grow younger every year I grow older.

I’m not here to talk about my twenty-second year although it was one of the most transformative and gentle years I’ve ever lived. Perhaps I shall reflect upon that in a separate post, although I do not want to over-analyse all the little things that had happened. I grew and have changed completely, floating towards the person I’ve always dreamed to be.

I’m here to make intentions for my twenty-third year. I love growing, actually, for it’s packed with so many thrills and excitements. It’s lovely to grow in independence and have more impact on the world by being open to better opportunities to give and mingle with people whom I choose to share my gifts with. Butterflies in my chest are fluttering with a rejuvenated sense of love for life today, and I’m so grateful to start a new beginning of being.

I intend to melt into softness and love, balancing my feminine and masculine energies.

It’s time to open the door towards more feminine energy in my life— more softness, creativity and conscious alignment in everything I do, even the most ordinary endeavours and moments of everyday life. I’ve been masculine for so long now, and I’ve neglected how creativity should also be pointed towards my own body and home. It’s time to treat my body and soul as a vessel of love, through which I carry everyone I meet to landscapes of light. It’s time to be more gentle and graceful, softening the features of my face and skin, taking all what is in a warm, calming embrace. It’s time to effortlessly flow into the gifts of my being. My masculinity is also the straighter trajectory of my drive towards doing things— but it shall now be surrounded by fluttering beams of grace and slowness. I see now that more is transformed through this— it’s a lesson of a lifetime. Through this balance, I can awaken my intense love for beauty and nature, capturing the essence of our world and translating it into masterpieces in which I lose myself entirely.

I intend to awaken the inner healer in me.

I know, deep inside, that I’m able to heal not only myself, but others around me. Throughout my studies in energy healing, I have encountered miracles in how one conscious touch or thought can melt all pain and fears in the mind and the body. I have seen this with my learners and my sister. I have seen this with my own body, how I lay down on the grass with a back stiffening from giving too much and tight ankles and watch all this rigidity melt away as I project visions of colourised energy into the tough parts.I now see that I have this gift, and despite how peculiar it is, I choose to honour it and use it wisely with utmost love, in order to heal fears and open pathways of forgiveness and love.

I intend to let go of control and embrace my limitedness.

I used to, and still do at times, hold on to controlling circumstances in my life. There is this sense of destructive righteousness in me that rejects unloving and fearful pursuits. It pains me when things don’t go the way I wish them to go, or when I can’t fully design situations in unearthly ways. It is a blessing now that my chest clenches badly whenever I try to control something and face resistance— it is always an indication that I’m resisting the unfolding of life and the unfolding of people, too. It is a sign that I’m judging too much. And so, for my twenty-third year, I intend to pay more attention to losing control more often than not. I intend to see God through everything I do and invite his control over mine. It is the beginning of being used by Him, to become a vessel through which destiny flows, and always respond accordingly. Recognising this, I can understand that what bothers me in others is a projection of what I reject in myself, and those are open doors for forgiveness. It’s time to actively practise forgiveness for the fearful parts in me— the controlling part, the judgmental and restless side of me which shuts off divine guidance.

I intend to create authentic power through my choices.

My twenty-second year was the beginning towards creating authentic power. Despite my goals of achieving financial and professional success, I realised that those were only by-products and consequences of choosing to create authentic power. It’s time now, to experiment with this in a myriad of ways, to allow my being to unfold through everything I do, especially as a teacher. There are countless ways to create authentic power— through my interactions with others, how I empower my learners and scaffold the techniques I have learned in a selfless way to share with others. I intend to stay conscious of the words I choose, and the intentions behind my interactions. It’s so clear now that whenever I do something just to feel superior, or to prove something, the consequences are rather empty and exhausting. When I’m selflessly loving and cooperative, the rewards are beyond imaginable. I have received more money and success through love and through who I truly am than when I tried tirelessly to prove that I could do it. I invite more time to be spent listening to my intentions and choosing the higher path in everything I do. I also intend to forgive myself openly when I make mistakes. I remember when I chose to shout to my students instead of truly solving the problem and felt trust deteriorate between us. I couldn’t go on that way— I had to apologise, and it changed everything. I choose to apologise and forgive myself when I forget or am not conscious enough.

In the end, I receive opportunities to grow more love and beautiful companionships. I receive growth in order to be a vessel through which hearts and minds are enlightened. I receive God’s mercy, through which I could heal souls to embrace their own unique gifts. I know I can’t be a vessel for this unless I heal my inner world and fears. I receive opportunities to sprout love for nature by modelling it myself. And so here.. I receive. I surrender to the destined journey of my heart.

I give deep and boundless thanks to my loved ones, to the ones who accept me as I am and share their love with me, whom I learn from and grow with. Thank you, may God bless your lives towards abundance and growth.

Twenty-three, here I come!