Everything That January Gave.

This January came by with the intention to leave a creative legacy behind. It came with a small dream of thinking beyond the borders of my mind and overused thoughts. Little did I know that the whole of creation would be stretched before me to indefinitely explore in such a seamless, indescribable way.

Oh, how could I even find the words to describe this January. It was non-judgementally self-organising, compassionate, acceptant and loving. There was little room for anguish and suffering, for there an abundant supply of awareness, open doors that welcome all there is and very little to resist. Every bubble of difficulty flowed gracefully to the surface and soared to the air, where it belonged.

I guess it was a mindshift. I used to see things with a perspective that leaned towards lack, especially one that stemmed from within me. You know how much I fear imperfection and failure, but this was only since I perceived imperfection as unwholesome. Within a couple of days, I realised that imperfection in itself is a beautiful experience. I realised that nothing here is essentially imperfect, and all is wisely coordinated to create a grand scheme of completeness. I thrived in thought and admiration, belittling my fears, one by one, and a flood of love and acceptance gushed through me.

Afterwards, things that used to frustrate me suddenly made no difference. It was equanimous to receive news of change and uncertainty, hereby certainly believing that they were opportunities and gifts in the glory of the world's happenings. My mistakes were invested in through thought, but a little while less, which eased so much. For once, it occurred to me how significant it is to quiet down the mind in the face of unknowns and just welcome it all evenly.

In January, I realised I was responsible for every single thing happening in my life. It was enormously empowering to identify the reason why cycles keep repeating themselves, especially in the form of habits and thought-patterns that are not much of an aid. With books and subsequent breakthroughs, I learned to control and be aware of every single idea running through my head. Whenever a programme ran, I had to show up and stop it. I had to go back to my awareness to stop empowering that automatic set of beliefs which I may not have consciously chosen for myself. It was extremely liberating to be in that position, and I needed it more than ever. I needed to liberate myself from all that I didn't want and channel this energy instead to what I wanted. And what do I want? That's the question I'm here to answer.

In January, I came to peace and found my home. Oh, how my heart is smiling while writing this down. A year ago, I would have been quite terrified to write this down, but I'm extremely proud of it. A series of magnificent connections have been established with my learners this month and I witnessed a few transformations that threw me off balance, bringing me back to what was there all along. In the midst of this all, I came to be aware that I'm but a vessel in this world. I'm but a vessel that lives to carry and empower souls to the shores of self-discovery and awareness. I'm but a river that doesn't show the way, I merely exist to show the ones in need that they deeply and inherently know the way themselves. To me, after a few years of trying to accomplish and reach my own shore, that was an immense breakthrough. That was a burden lifted off my shoulders since I just knew, deep inside, that I was always that river, and it gave me so much comfort to be the vessel of love that I've always wished to be.

Now, that transforms my life. Why? I'm not really visualising things the way I used to. Just a year ago, it was more about this long list of accomplishments, the title, the prestige, the paycheck. Now, I know those are only by-products of the process. I know it so well that I barely seem to question it. I'm more where humans are; conversations, connections, deep learning, inspiring breakthroughs and family.

How it hurts to say family. To say family means I have to open my heart and stretch it wide enough to receive a thousandfold of the love I attempt to give. That in itself is truly miraculous in the way such an ephemeral moment of truth signifies a transformation of a lifetime. I think I've been enclosed in a tightly locked shell to ever dare to commit, but I know it's alright now.

January gave me the heir of my purest ideal self; the one of grace and effortlessness, the one conjured up a long time ago. Truly, January is an empty slate, but it also the gift of emptiness that inspires the most entrancing beginnings. Therefore, I am utterly grateful and in love with the life January has bestowed upon the oneness in the world.

Forever receiving in thousandfolds.