A Victim’s Sentence (Part 3 of the Narcissism Series)

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        The say at the darkest points in life are when people feel like the light, maybe that’s what caused you to be the stars in my gloomy skies , the echoes I hear every time i allow myself to get lost in those memories we shared. Every time I allow myself to escape the cage you surrounded me with, I start questioning all that is present around me , the people , myself and even the cage. What if I am the one who put this punishment upon myself, as I am afraid that I will somehow loose this part of myself? I do know though  that you are an uncompromising part of my life, no matter how much I try to resist this fact, I would never find it untrue. Then what is this haziness and longing I experience for prolonged periods of time? 


     All these small milestones I remember accomplishing seems to shrink as I put all my effort In remembering what has happened and how you were like. All these pondering questions are kept inside of me, as I remain calm and collected on the outside so that can people won’t recognize the effects of the kill that are still in action. Who said healing isn’t ugly , frustrating And beautiful all at  the same time? It’s like a flashback video of all the bittersweet moments in between are the purest bits when my soul was exposed , where my heart and mind starts to surrender to the vulnerability of not knowing what to do next or what’s wrong. 


     Maybe it involved some moments of anger and frustration, where as I am symbolized as the villain of others’ stories like you are the monster in mine. It’s like a little nightmare I should be able to sleep peacefully after, except that this an ongoing war with no end, with no weapons to fight with that can save me again, only If I shed some skin and allowed my evolvement to take me somewhere special, unique like the one I am in now. Maybe at some point on the way, I wanted to write a letter and tell you all these sentiments and messed up thoughts and  hoping that someday you will read it or maybe it’s a matter of closure that will calm the fire ignited inside of me. 

      In the end, as I use the same power of my mind that exhausts me just thinking about you, I allow myself the right of isolation and empowerment that makes me see my self worth that you stole from me more than once , even after you physically left my life but you did leave your touchstones on parts of me that remain unexplainable to all. 


      Yet, I use them as sources of dominance after I emerge from my timorous episodes, rising up to the standards and life I know I deserve, people I want to have in my life and accomplishments that will nurture my soul. I remain confused as I will ever be with you, but I will remain humble and up for a a fight for my sanity, as I take in all the grace inside of me , twirling around  In my humble space away from all the eyes of those who judge and those who seek sneaks of the hidden fragments of stories I will never say and emotions I never expressed.

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