a daylight dream

            The say at the darkest points in life are when people feel like the light, maybe that’s what caused you to be the stars in my gloomy skies , the echoes I hear every time i allow myself to get lost in those memories we shared. Every time I allow myself to escape the cage you surrounded me with, I start questioning all that is present around me , the people , myself and even the cage. What if I am the one who put this punishment upon myself, as I am afraid that I will somehow loose this part of myself? I do know though    that you are an uncompromising part of my life, no matter how much I try to resist this fact, I would never find it untrue. Then what is this haziness and longing I experience for prolonged periods of time?       All these small milestones I remember accomplishing seems to shrink as I put all my effort In remembering what has happened and how you were like. All these pondering questions a...

     She is grateful for all that comes in the way with the wind that brings chills to her spine. Her soul became so infuriated by the idea of healing and removing the toxicity, that it announces a horrific war at times. A battle is so intoxicating in its dark beauty, the outcomes are as pure as they  could be , but the process is extremely harsh to endure.      It seems like her spirit still has a connection with those hard times, an unbreakable bond that binds her to the lifetime spent crying and breaking down, that ties her up with the ugly parts of her that her mind enjoys replaying to make her suffer. On the other hand,    she now possesses  the power to stand up for herself and cut off any source of toxicity or behavior she can’t tolerate, a strength that was created after their departure.      The mindfulness and the possibilities she fought for are priceless to be hindered with again by the wrong hands,...

       She stands under the grey skies, her feet stand hard as the power of the ground beneath her gets into her soul. she raises her arms as She feels herself getting more deep in the waging war, She has no power over its trauma. Wearing a flower crown entangled with golden specks She earned from the castle she enchanted to be hers. As the wind gets stronger and the clouds collide together, the aura of the place surrounding her gets furious by the minute. She sometimes feel that she never belonged in a world of little storms and heartless people.      She acknowledged the fact that her mind relies more on the connection that her feelings have with the roots of nature she implemented herself in. That the stars she spends nights staring at are one of the most magnificent creations her eyes can witness. The firmness her spirit holds is questionable to all those around her , even herself and the grace her heart has illuminates the pathway towards...

      One part of healing that brings guilt into the victims’ souls would be the attempt to break free of the invisible chains that are tightened around their necks. The numerous times you will think that you are truly healing , evolving and changing would be the most times you feel vulnerable. They are occurring    when your eyes prickle with tears and maybe you can’t hide it , it’s not like you can control it . They occur when your body starts reacting in the sight of the abuser, the shaking, the jittering and it’s like a bucket of ice water was splashed on you.               At that moment, you start mastering the art of composing yourself, to hide your anxiety behind a forced smile or a quick action . It takes a toll on you, mentally and physically, yet you should feel proud for resisting the trauma bond that the abuser seem to use as a weapon. That the narcissist would use to validate their actions and try to...

            Did you ever a see a devil in the form of a man before ? Did you ever felt that you are lost , more like hypnotized to follow orders of a certain individual? Well this certain individual is the devil himself , he is the narcissist , he is a killer on the loose searching for souls so he can suck the life out them. I meant that figuratively and literally.             Most people have no clue that they could have many narcissists in their life , those who prey on their kindness , love and care. Those who feed on their insecurities turning them into nightmares, making themselves judges responsible to make you suffer. Those who whisper the words to say instead of you thinking about them, those who manipulate you into thinking that “they built you “ , that they “fixed you”. They turn you into silhouettes, puppets in their hands according to their own benefits of course. They define love as a bitter...

      I stand helpless , as I find myself handcuffed by tight ropes and every time I struggle I end up hurting myself more. My surroundings create a more nerve-racking reason to tick my aura off into anger, like a furious beast hunting its next prey. The memory of all that happened seem to recollect itself back into my mind, as I allow myself to get lost into the dark path down memory lane.              The lesser my resistance and faith in myself, the less strength I can gain from this prison. The more I feel my soul drowning in the ocean of pain. The deeper the sting I feel , as I try to free myself, the more I lose hope in ever regaining my grace again. As the time passes in this captivation, the more I realize that my mind is playing tricks on me.                  The higher the rage I endure , as I feel the shame and pain of the situation I am in. The memories I have doesn’t m...

      The scenery standing before her , the deep blue ocean, the sailing ships closer to the edge of the earth , carrying on a pursuit of their own. The sound of the crashing waves creates a feeling of calmness and relatability , as this is the unspoken sensations roaming her spirit. With each step she takes towards the edge of the mountain, her mind gets comfort from the insanity and the possibility that this could be her last step.     However, it seems that in these little moments her mind created a safe haven for her to roam in wildly, to outshine the expectations of herself before others. As she wraps herself up in a blanket, as the breeze makes her hair flow, as her hands touch the little delicate flowers around her . She finds herself sane, happy and thoughtful. She finds herself infuriated with power that is limitless to the stars in the sky. She finds herself enjoying more and more the simplest moments that glue her together.      ...

              With every flick of fire disappearing into thin air, her mind wanders off to the memories related to her recent place and time. Every song, smell,place seem to be a reminder of what a naive person can suffer from as a result of loving the wrong person. That with every belief came a high price to pay, endless nights, absence of emotions that makes you look dead. It’s similar to the dark forest with no guidance, or a raging ocean that has waves so high that it devours all that in its way.     All what people can see is all the courage she mastered up to cover up the hurricane inside her . That willpower she recomposes as her other side awaits the anguishing moment to heartlessly torture them all. It’s like she wants to be away when it all happens, yet be able to hear their screams, feel the ground shake from how unmercifully she decided to put justice in to action and in the place of murder. You can see the glo...

One question I have always been asked is “what loving the wrong person has taught you?”.  At that moment, the world seemed to stop. My pounding heart was the only sound heard in the drop dead silence, my eyes used to prickle with tears from the wound. The burning scar that is everlasting, that has created hundreds of other invisible ones inside out. The muffled screams and the gaping of my mouth, as I fail to find words to explain whatever my heart and mind were deciding against.  Loving the wrong person was a wicked haunt, the killer or should I say killers were always on the loose, I was always on the run for a refugee only to find myself in dark places, the more I run, the more taunting it got. Till I reached a moment of helplessness, numbness and misery. So I did what I can do best at that time surrender my soul to no further fight, nor obligation. As time passed, I learnt patience, somehow these moments of defeats seem to help me regain some will power to start fi...

She closed her eyes for a couple of minutes as she felt the salty water hit her skin, keeping her refreshed. The moment takes her back to a similar setting ,to a night scenery that is unnoticeably loud, where people are everywhere, each in their own little world. She was then in her own too, bright colors, neon lights, deafening music, presence of individuals swarming the place. In this very moment, she didn’t feel lost, she felt content, she felt her free spirit breaking loose from all the attachments. She is laughing , singing along, smirking and messing around. It’s like the aura of the place she is in is connected to parts of her , maybe her wild side? Is it the one shown now? All those familiar faces she used to know the good or bad are absent and maybe that what was the only refugee she knew that was safe , calm and welcoming. The new company she has now seem to fit her perfectly, no songs bringing sad tears to her eyes, no certain fragrances that used to weaken her body and ...