Magnetised.

I'll start this by saying that just a few years ago, I was a little bit afraid of dreaming. More precisely, dreams were worth ridicule and contempt, for they'd be too far-fetched to be realised. But, I do remember, that sunny January morning in 2017, when I decided to dream again. It was miraculous how it all spiraled very swiftly, leading me and many others to living our lives in terms of daylight dreams.

I find myself magnetised towards intending to dream, in search for meaning and magnificence. Truly, it is not quite important for a dream to come true, but to intend to  truly realise something and find the world sending you signs and divine guidance to keep you going. Whether the dream comes true or not, that is a test of faith, to adhere to persevering and learning what the many plot twists of life signify.

So, here I am, at the onset of a new January; sanguine, cold and thrillingly empty of occurrences. It has become a treasured ritual to sit back and renew those intentions, to make the coming year fruitful, embracing a beloved direction, to nourish life with more light and liveliness.

Who do I want to be in 2020, I wonder? 

I close my eyes for a few moments and embrace a vision, feeling my heart magnetised by its awe-inspiring fervor. I see myself, shedding worries and doubts, which definitely used to be a part of my very core identity. There is no longer a reason why I should worry about failing, making mistakes and exposing my flaws, for it doesn't really matter. The past events of my little life have valuably taught me that failure in itself is its expectation rather than its manifestation. Also, fearing failure and imperfection is simply doubting the universal intelligence's power to coordinate what I cannot control. All I have to do is simply believe in this intelligence and trust it.

Perhaps in 2019, I wore the mask of a fearless, outspoken leader. It was great fun, I cannot deny, but my energy has suffered. When I'd try to prove that I'm shining, I'd come back home by the end of the day knowing that there is no home to go back to. I'd sit there on my desk, empty-eyed, not knowing what to do next. My outspoken, energetic self would want to keep hustling, but somewhere beneath this, a silent, poetic voice would emerge but be shushed.

That means I can be a leader all the same, but gracefully. I choose "both" this year, and I do not need to focus on the opportunity costs. I can be a leader, silently making decisions, setting my boundaries and allowing those who never had s chance to shine to glow fearlessly. I'm sure, going back home then, would feel so sweet, because I would still have this river of an energy flowing, finding many narrow streams to gush towards. I need to branch myself. I need to have energy to give love, stay present with my family, write poetry, reflect, manage my responsibilities with excellence and take care of myself. I need energy to keep me balanced, afloat, like a soaring bird.

In 2020, I put love first. The love in my soul tells me to lift people up. It tells me to go for my dreams. It's a voice which guides my thoughts to find ways to stay closer to my sister and be there for her, for real this time. I will be graduating this summer, and I'm allowed to make risky decisions, finally ones that represent my philosophy. I'm allowed to take bold strides towards what I'm aiming for and stand up with solid explanations and justifications.

Sometimes trying, on its own, is a very relevant justification.

In 2020, I do want to learn more. I'd love to expand my mind with more knowledge. I would definitely love to share this knowledge with others, too. I also hope I find ways to empower those around me as much as possible, life them up, make them discover who they truly are. I hope to attract more love in my life and people who add value willingly. I hope I take my first steps towards building a like-minded community for more growth and enlightenment.

In the end, in 2020, I see myself healthy, balanced and safe. I don't want to ever take pride in overworking myself or fretting over things I cannot control. I want to build my womanhood to sustain the energy to parent a generation, because it's in my innate ability to do so. I'm a woman at last; an elusive combination of mystical femininity and determined masculinity. I have the capacity to be so many things in life, but this potential will never be reached if I do not take care of this energy and let it grow with maintenance.

So, in January, I'll trim the flowers that have grown so wildly last year. I'll cut the overextending branches. I'll thrive in silence and introspection. I'll remember the universe's love for everyone who exists.

This year, I'm a lover, sailing my wave-like love in new seas.

This year, I'm magnetised towards a new beginning of a Soraya.