Why There Is Love In December.

The icy wings bellow from the south, and the sombre clouds come sweeping overhead, obscuring the gentle moonlight’s glow. I’ve woken up quite early today and the first sound I hear is that of the winds, and I realise how unbearably cold I am, my feet stoned and frozen and my body longing for warmth to hold.

Yet, with those unsettling phenomena showcased before me, there is a love kindling in my heart. I cannot explain it nor even try to, but the corners of my little home are safe enough to protect me and all of a sudden, this feels intensively gratifying. I’ve learned that when gratitude greets the heart, it ought to be greeted back and held warmly, instead of questioned.

December teaches me to go back to myself. All year, I try different roads and wear different costumes of different selves on the pathway towards my dreams. Perhaps, this year, I decided to be in charge, lead, raise my voice and conquer my insecurities in the name of becoming a leader. I have gone a long way achieving that, and I have learned so many golden lessons along the way, but now comes the time to realise that I never have to change.

Every year has a different story. It is tarnished by unique elements that give it a sacred indent, one that is always remembered. Therefore, when I finally realise that love was within me all along, I can sincerely learn from what I’ve been through. I can appreciate my struggles and pain, rejoice in the name of beautiful memories and still feel “Soraya”— a woman who is now ready to take yet another detour and discover versions of herself that she is not, in order to capture her essence and love it wholeheartedly.

That’s why there is love in December. Lots of it. It’s like being at home. It’s like one of my childhood memories back in Poland, on Christmas Day, when my mom would bring me presents of my favourite dolls. It’s like unwrapping the gift of my heart and finding myself.

Now, thinking of 2019, it was tough. But I promised myself to love myself. I promised myself to be of service to others. I didn’t know how to do that and I lost myself so many times. I failed. I woke up the day after giving myself a second, third, fourth and hundredth chance. I failed again. I kept trying every single day. Some days were charming and others were aghast. Some nights were spent in tears. Some were sleepless with hope. But today, this month, is when I can finally say that I have achieved my goal for 2019, and I cannot be more grateful. The universe had to take me through all of those failures and harsh moments in order to test my courage and faith in my dream.

I forgive all of those difficult moments. I thank them for showing me the light.

And now, I can think of 2020 and wonder what it will be like. Honestly, I think it will be miraculous for all of us. I think we will finally see through the distractions and believe in our ideals and take risks and leaps of faith in hope to be authentic to our dreams. I think that we will not be afraid anymore and trust that the universe will stay by us, side-by-side, showing us danger, hardships and sorrow. But it will remind us that we have our hearts to see the bigger picture; the essence behind our choices.

So let us have genuine choices.

Personally, I choose to take risks. I choose to do anything that brings me closer to that vision of myself that I had conjured up ever since I was 16– a vision of myself and my life partner, shoulders brushed, smiling for a picture while surrounded by tens of children with gleaming grins on their faces. I’m not sure why we would be smiling. I’m not even sure where we would be.

All I know is that my heart chose this vision. It loves it. It remembers it in times of passion and hopelessness. Thus, now is the time to listen to the omens and see what is the next step.

That’s why there is so much love in December.

I know that there are distractions, that’s it’s not a linear path, but those fluctuations only occur when we forget to be coherent and aligned with our intentions. And because we are humans, it’s okay to slip and fall.

I hope we always find the omens that get us back on track.

I hope this December somehow reminds you this. I hope you unravel the love in your heart; love for yourself, the ones around you and the whole universe.

May you always have the courage to believe. Happy December. :)