May: A Chapter Is Closed.

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 May has finally ended and I am grateful to be closing this chapter for good. I’ve reflected upon all whatever has happened thoroughly, but now I can flip the page and start a new story, discovering new aspects of life midst it all.

The first and third week of May were really tough, emotionally, but I think I was just dreading my examinations as they begun, not really enjoying the process of studying things I’m not passionate about. The third week was merely me just feeling a little bit all over the place, lonely and swallowed by negative energy, due to the rather daunting atmosphere at home. I wasn’t trying to feel better or even fight it, I just let this negativity flow through me if it had to. I couldn’t really do anything about it.

On the other side, there were some good days. Good days of wonderful weather and long walks around the city both in the morning and at night. There were simply beautiful moments of having iftar with my dad, gratitude soaking me completely, for having enough food to eat and clean water to drink. There were some days in which I felt like I was a good person, that I was loved and appreciated. There were days in which I worked on strengthening my connection with God, feeling so close to him at times of calamity and imbalance.

I don’t have more to say, I think. It wasn’t a very special month, but I don’t mind. A friend of mine recently told me that there are many ways to be the best version of ourselves, and in times of stress, it’s normal to be determined in a different way— not the magical, whimsical kind.

I’m really expectant now. I believe that closing this chapter will allow me to start a new one in which I will be more present and thoughtful. I love fate and I trust it. I trust it with everything I have. As long as I keep my intentions clear, my notions virtuous and righteous, surely all will turn into a beautiful story to tell one day. I believe that.

Also, as I am closing this chapter, I can’t help but love every moment I have lived the past 10 months. I’ve enjoyed the beautiful days and have forgiven the mistakes and failures. A wave of clarity is soaking my very soul this moment, as I declare my forgiveness to the ups and downs of fate. In the end, the world has unique ways of taking things from us, creating this empty space so that it could hand us opportunities to grow further.

And because this is a start of something new, I have changed this space a little. Last summer, I thought I would explore the inscrutable, mysterious and the uncertain. It reflected deeply into who I was and I think this is what I got. I phrased and lived the world in such inscrutable terms. But now, I’m moving forward. I don’t think I want to live in a world where I only share the aftermath of vivid introspection. I want to share how I want to truly live, giveback and impact the little world. I want to share the lessons I learn as I translate love, positivity and growth into action. I want to openly make my life a daylight dream, in every way possible. That’s why, this space will be a reflection of my daylight dream. In the background of the title, you can see a vast field blazoned by poppies— this is one far-fetched dream of mine. I wish to see such a place in real life, perhaps not live there, because it would be too good to be true. There wouldn’t be anything left to imagine!

That said, I want to express so many utmost gratitude. Thank you so much, dear May.

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