On My Way To The Clouds.

I haven’t been focusing on myself lately and have had this distorted view of reality. Maybe it is isn’t as distorted as people may think, for it is the norm. It is the norm to see the world in terms of problems and issues spiralling out of control— but such a norm was never meant to reign my perspective. It was never meant to structure my thoughts and belief system. It was never meant to be me.

Yet, I have somehow burst my bubble and let it all in. I am not affected by this negativity at all, but I am more receptive to it and sometimes catch myself complaining about reality. This shocks me for I promised I wouldn’t complain, even if it is hard, even if I am lost, even if everyone resorts to complaining. This shall never be my language.

I have forgotten that indulging myself into the attachments my dreams create is the alternative that used to sound appealing. It was the solution that was far-fetched and idealistic, nonetheless truly inspiring and magical. I have forgotten about my attachments— my future. I know I should be focusing on the present moment but considering the wonderful future moments grounds me to making my present moment the best it could be. Drifting is not always a state I can tolerate— I need to know where I am heading.

I haven’t been thinking so much about where I am heading, actually, for it is formidable to decipher that. I don’t know how to structure my dreams solidly to base my today upon them because a lot has changed. The future I used to dream of has changed entirely— but let that pass, change is a truth I no longer resist but am certainly proud of. All I know is that I really need to work hard and add value to whatever I am doing in order to find what I’m really good at— to keep perfecting and perfecting.

I need to focus on working on myself all the time, which is tedious. I have defined what is essential in my life and now, I must work towards making those essential aspects more prominent in my attitude and actions rather than mere ideologies. Because I believe holistic health, love, confidence, kindness and honesty are important, then perhaps I need to let my actions portray that. I need to prove that the clouds in my head can ultimately be reached with consistency and effort. They truly can be touched— I have touched them before.

The thing is, my clouds always climb higher and higher, which is thrilling and motivating. But I set those ridiculous expectations to be able to reach them rather instantly, when it requires a journey— a time of travel and discovery— to get there. I have forgotten that, also. But here I am, learning, on my way to the clouds.

From now on, I shall let each day be a reflection of the sky. The sky does rain sometimes. It’s not always a sunborn one, clear and pristine— it is also grey and navy blue. I should be a reflection of all the seasons, too.

On my way to the clouds, I will not attach myself to the day I finally touch them. I will instead find splendour and satisfaction in the expanding horizons of possibilities. I will find love in the journey, in the paths and the challenging climbs up.

On my way to the clouds, I may be alone, but I shall befriend the birds and the ones on the roads-less-travelled by, and this shall be life. It shall not be reigned by what’s normal. I cannot think normally when my head is in the clouds. It is a different realm all together, in need to divergent interpretations.

On my way to the clouds, I will be patient. I will open up my eyes. I will be a student and a silent leader. I will smile from the deepest cell of my heart.

It will be alright.